An insightful educator once said, "More is caught than taught." It's certainly true for small groups! Your group members "catch" your example and attitudes much quicker than what you teach and tell them. Put simply, as a small-group leader, you are a model whether you like it or not. The responsibility comes with the job. Group members watch how you handle yourself during group meetings and how you live day by day. Consciously or unconsciously they are asking themselves, "Can I pattern my life after this person?" Does that frighten you? Don't run off because you think being an effective model is impossible.

You can succeed in setting a worthwhile example for your group. Doing so cannot be planned, per se, but being alert to the dynamics involved is an important first step. This article will help you begin to develop the necessary confidence you need to do an outstanding job as a leader-model.

Modeling the Apostle Paul

Small-group leaders are wise to adopt a mind-set and actions demonstrated by the Apostle Paul.

He fully understood the leadership role. Talking to the Christians in Corinth, he made a rather startling statement: "I exhort you therefore, be imitators of me" (1 Cor. 4:16, NASB). When is the last time you heard a Christian leader make such a pronouncement? It just doesn't happen very often. So-called "Christian humility" (or in reality the inability to make such a claim) prevents us from encouraging others to follow our example. After all, "we aren't worthy" is our meek claim. We, unlike Paul, simply feel we cannot invite others to emulate our lives. But it is possible with God's help, some knowledge, and a workable plan. Let's examine Paul as a model and see what we can learn from him.

Paul accepted his role as a model.

Paul acknowledged and embraced his role and responsibility as an example for other Christians to follow. His acceptance, however, wasn't because he was a terrific fellow. Rather, he understood that his task was to model and reflect God's character. In fact, he once again told the Corinthians to imitate him, but a condition is added: "Just as I also am of Christ" (1 Cor. 11:1, NASB). Paul understood that imitating Christ was essential and served as the real basis for others to follow his example. He simply told the Ephesians to "be imitators of God" (Eph. 5:1). Paul laid open his life for others to follow because his overall purpose was to serve God and make the Lord known.

As a small-group leader, you are a model. Just like Paul, you need to accept the fact that being a leader means having people watch and hopefully follow your example. Lord willing, your life is worthy to copy because you join Paul in seeking to imitate Christ (Gal. 2:20). Only as you are totally tuned in to Jesus Christ can the Holy Spirit produce in your life anything worth emulating. We—you and I-cannot do it on our own.

Paul encouraged his "group members" to follow his example.

The word encouraged may be too mild. Paul demanded it when he said to the believers in Corinth, "I exhort you" (1 Cor. 4:16, NASB). He didn't assume the Corinthians would follow his lead; he commanded them to do so. Scripture records at least five instances in which he not only offered himself as a model, but also expected them to follow. Indeed, Paul wasn't timid in his straightforward admonition to the Philippians: "The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things" (Phil. 4:9, NASB).

You may not have Paul's boldness when it comes to asking your group members to follow your example; few people do. Nevertheless, it is acceptable to do so if you are asking them to see and practice Christ living within you. Any other basis for inviting your group members to follow your example isn't acceptable.

How can you ask the group members to follow your example? The easiest way, of course, is not to ask at all and hope they somehow "pick up" on your example. This might work, but it makes the whole process uncertain. A better alternative is to offer yourself as an example. Explain to the members that you see your responsibility to them as one that includes living a life in Christ that they can follow with confidence. Don't make any wild promises or claim perfection. Just tell them your goal is to model for them, with God's help, a growing, vital Christian life-with all its ups and downs. If this initial strategy meets with success over time, then just like Paul, someday you may confidently invite them to imitate you.

Paul led as a servant-leader.

Paul understood that genuine Christian leadership entailed being a servant. Jesus Christ set the standard by leaving heaven, assuming human form, and then dying for all mankind. Now that's servanthood! (See Mk. 10:45.) Paul sought to follow Christ's leadership style in every respect. He assumed Christ's servant attitude and methodology. Paul summed up his willingness when he declared, "Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible" (1 Cor. 9:19). What an awesome statement, especially when you consider it came from a man who was highly educated and a former member of the Jewish religious elite.

The servant-leader model doesn't make any sense to some people, particularly nonChristians. It runs contrary to our society's thinking. Servants, not leaders, serve. Yet it's important for us to remember that servanthood in the body of Christ is a high calling. Moreover, serving one another is an expected practice among all believers (see Gal. 5:13). As a small-group leader you set the example in fulfilling this expectation. One caution is necessary, however. We serve one another as Christ's slaves doing God's will from the heart. We do it gladly. We should also keep in mind what Paul told the Ephesians: "With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men" (Eph. 6:7, NASB). Let's not forget we serve God by serving others.

Nevertheless, what does being a servant-leader mean on a functional basis? Paul gives us some insight based on his own experience with the Thessalonian Christians:

For we [Paul, Silvanus, and Timothy] never came with flattering speech, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed-God is witness—nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others, even though as apostles of Christ we might have asserted our authority.

Paul was comparing his "style" with certain dubious characteristics commonly associated with many leaders in his day. These same negative traits are still rampant among many contemporary leaders. Paul noted four negative characteristics which should NOT distinguish a true servant-leader:

• A servant-leader doesn't use flattery to manipulate people.

• A servant-leader isn't greedy; he or she isn't in it for personal gain.

•A servant-leader isn't interested in receiving glory.

• A servant-leader doesn't assert his or her authority.

Paul didn't claim perfection.

Paul was human. As such, he wasn't perfect and didn't pretend he was or make any such claim. On the contrary, Paul talked about his flawed human nature in his letter to the Romans when he described how he struggled with sin (Romans 7). He labored under no delusions about his status. He even referred to himself as the worst of sinners (1 Tim. 1:15) and "the very least of all saints" (Eph. 3:8, NASB). Nevertheless, Paul's humility didn't prevent him from telling the Philippians to "join with others in following my example" (Phil. 3:17).

Being a model for your group to follow doesn't demand perfection. Like Paul, you are human; you have flaws. But also like Paul, neither is your humanity something that disqualifies or prevents you from living a life worthy of imitation. Your worth as a leader and a Christian example isn't found in your humanity, in your skills and abilities, but in your status as a new creature in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17). You operate in God's power (Eph. 3:7), not your own. "For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure" (Phil. 2:13, NASB). Exciting, isn't it!

Paul acknowledged his love and care for those he served.

Wrapping up his first letter to the Christians in Corinth, Paul said, "My love to all of you in Christ Jesus" (1 Cor. 16:24). From prison, Paul wrote to the Philippians to tell them "how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus" (Phil. 1:8). Instructing them to "stand firm in the Lord," he called them "my brothers" and "dear friends" and disclosed his strong feelings for them by referring to them as "you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown" (1 Cor. 4:1). Likewise, Paul knew there were some individuals among those he ministered to and cared for who shared mutual feelings toward him. He asked Titus to "greet those who love us in the faith" (Titus 3:15).

An interesting side note: We don't know if Paul by nature was warm and affectionate in person. We do know that his writings are filled with strongly expressed concern and love for people. I'm especially impressed by his words to the Thessalonians:

We proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children. Having thus a fond affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us.

Paul used strong word pictures in this passage-words that convey important traits associated with being a model (servant-leader):

• A servant-leader is a gentle and caring person.

• A servant-leader builds close, affection ate relationships.

• A servant-leader imparts (shares, gives, entrusts) his or her own life.

I don't know about you, but these qualities are hard for me. Being a loving person doesn't come easily. Nevertheless, you and I must openly express Christian love to our group members. Words alone aren't sufficient. Our attitudes and actions must demonstrate care and concern. And yet, similar to everything else associated with being a Christian servant-leader model, we cannot be loving like Christ on our own. As "imitators of God," we are told to "walk in love, just as Christ also loved you" (Eph. 5:1–2, NASB). Only then can we properly channel God's love to our group members.

How do you model love and concern? Different small-group leaders do different things. There is no one way to model genuine biblical love. Here are some rudimentary ideas. You'll catch on quickly.

• Help them paint their house.

• Take them out to breakfast (lunch, coffee, and so on).

• Visit them in the hospital.

• Admit it when you are struggling with God's will or a decision.

• Offer to take or pick up their kids.

• Give genuine verbal praise.

• Look for "silent" ways to encourage (a card, flowers, a handwritten note).

• Baby-sit for free. Ask for help. Take chicken soup to them when they are sick.

• Tell them you are praying for them.

• Share your prayer requests.

This concludes our brief journey in exploring what Paul (via the Holy Spirit) can teach us about being a model. Lord willing, it provided you with some basic ideas about your modeling responsibilities as small-group leader. Now it's time to translate your knowledge into action.

From How to Have Great Small Group Meetings by Neal F. McBride (NavPress); © 1997 by Neal F. McBride. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.