Illustration by Susan Leopold

A. This is a common concern for Christian parents. Perhaps a son relates with amusement a story about someone ridiculed at school. Or maybe your daughter seems more concerned with maneuvering ahead of her group's power players than with the needs of others. Take heart. At least one well-known Christian leader also lacked compassion early in life.

Consider the Apostle John. When John began his training with Jesus, his hunger for status and illicit power was painfully evident. The future apostle of God's love tried to beat everyone else to the head of the herd (Mk. 10:35–41). He wanted to call down fire and destruction on those who rejected Christ (Lk. 9:54). Jesus nicknamed John one of His "Sons of Thunder" (Mk. 3:17). Despite John's initially rough edges, Jesus continued to nurture change, deep and permanent, in this man. Jesus' life and other biblical examples offer insight into how to help your children grow in compassion.

Model compassion as Christ did.

Jesus' relationships with His disciples affirmed their dignity and potential, even when they behaved selfishly. When we relate to our children as He did, we model compassion, the ability to feel the hurts of others.

We can begin with our approach to the needs and failures of our children. Do we view their concerns as insignificant or turn preachy without really listening? Do we criticize them, dismissing their problems without thought for their inadequacies? As our children see us treat their shortcomings with respect, they gain a basis for treating others with dignity as well.

Teach them to "put it on."

Children may not acquire compassion naturally, however. Paul tells us we must "clothe ourselves" with compassion (Col. 3:12), learning to put it on deliberately and consciously. We all can learn to consider how situations must affect others.

Questions can help children enlarge their own perceptions. "What do you see going on in that situation? How do you suppose that feels? Were you ever in the same kind of situation, or have you ever felt the same way?"

Recognize compassionate acts.

Often, displaying kindness toward outsiders may put your children at odds with "popular" peers. Your recognition and praise of these compassionate acts are critical. When they resist ganging up on another child, or when they strike up a friendship with someone who doesn't fit in, praise those actions. Look for such demonstrations of compassion in your children's lives and support them. They need your reinforcement to care for those who may not be as lovable.

Encourage generosity.

Encourage your children to give their time, money, talents, and possessions. The act of giving helps create compassionate hearts. One of our children has always clung to mounds of outgrown possessions. We encouraged her to think about whether she still needed all her "stuff," and suggested several charitable organizations that accept those kinds of donations. When challenged, this opportunity to make a difference through giving excited her.

Local churches abound with opportunities for children to grow in compassion through service. Our son participated in his youth group's home repair missions project. After that, whenever he heard the term low-income elderly, he thought of Anna, a widow he helped. As our children grew and began to handle more money, we encouraged them to give to ministry. Their giving increased their concern for the ministries they chose. Bear in mind that each child's heart and personality will affect how he or she chooses to give.

Give them a plumb line.

Children may confuse what compassion is or is not. We can help them discern when and how to show compassion. Jesus always looked at the heart and addressed the real need, not necessarily the request (Mt. 12:38–39, Jn. 11:1–44). He confronted attempts to manipulate His compassion with clear thinking, and gave us a plumb line of true, godly compassion— how it does and does not act (compare Mk. 6:34–44 with Mt. 13:58 and Jn. 6:26).

Give them time.

Remember that even the heart of the Apostle John took time to mature. As we model and encourage compassion, we can teach our children how to "put it on" with increasing regularity. Healthy growth takes time. I believe the Apostle John would assure us it's time worth our investment.

Rita Trickel is a freelance writer and homemaker. She teaches and mentors women through the ministry Moms and More at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wisconsin. In her spare time, Rita enjoys gleaning tips from home improvement shows to apply to her own 100+ year-old house.