Illustration by Nicholas Wilton

Who has significantly influenced you?" the seminar leader asked. My mind began to scan the previous 32 years of my life.

The first person who came to mind was my supervisor. Steve had shown confidence in me when I could only see my faults. Next I thought of Gordy, a man I had met in Holland in the '60s. He was a fun–loving, athletic friend. But more important, Gordy was in love with Jesus, and it showed in the Christlike way he related to people. As I reflected on what these influencers and others had in common, one thing came to mind: love.

The apostles had a lot to say about love. John wrote simply, "God is love" (1 Jn. 4:8). Paul said unequivocally that "love builds up" (1 Cor. 8:1). He also taught us that Jesus is the visible expression of God's love for us (Col. 1:15–23). Following are some reflections on what we can learn from the life of Jesus about demonstrating love to our disciples.

Jesus showed confidence in His disciples.

Discipleship begins with a promise of life change. "Come follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men" (Mk. 1:17). Jesus promised that Simon, who had a very common name, would become Peter, the rock. Even though He predicted Peter's failure, Jesus could say, "When you have turned back, strengthen your brothers" (Lk. 22:32). He had confidence in Peter's faith.

The people who have loved me most have demonstrated confidence in me. My supervisor, Steve, had done exactly that in his previous professional evaluation of me.

I was leading a capable team of men and women at the time. Together, we shepherded a large and fruitful ministry. Yet even though God was obviously at work, I usually focused on my shortcomings. I remember saying to one of the men on our team, "You know, I'm never satisfied with anything I do." He replied, "How do you think that makes us feel?" I was always more aware of problems than of what God was doing among us.

Those feelings were foremost in my mind when Steve came for his regular "check–up" on our ministry. Despite my misgivings, he gave me a very positive assessment. At first I thought, I wonder what he really thinks. But his affirmation continued throughout the next couple of days. Finally, I began to get it: He really does believe that God is blessing this work and that I'm doing a good job. Steve's confidence in me gradually penetrated my tough skin.

We demonstrate love to our disciples when we voice our confidence in who they are and what God has called them to do. It's impossible to affirm people too much.

Jesus expressed His love for the disciples.

When bystanders saw Jesus' tears at the graveside of Lazarus, they observed, "See how he loved him" (Jn. 11:36). Why did Jesus cry? After all, He was soon going to raise His friend; there was no need for such emotion. Yet Jesus cried. I believe He wept because His friend was dead and because He felt Mary and Martha's pain.

Unlike Jesus, I'm not naturally that demonstrative in my emotions. Over the years, however, I've worked on my ability to communicate love to those I influence. Sometimes that requires a physical or verbal expression of my affection. Other times, it might mean carving out time for someone when it's inconvenient.

Recently, a conversation with a friend encouraged me in this area. I was listening quite intently to this young mother as she described the complexities of her life. She was talking about the challenge of balancing her career and her family life when suddenly she burst into tears and ran from the room.

I was sure I had offended her somehow. In our next conversation, I tried to apologize. She stopped me and said, "No, it's nothing like that. When you were showing such interest in my life, it suddenly struck me how much I would have loved to talk these things over with my father. But he never seemed to have the time or inclination."

Showing love can be as simple as giving people a chance to share what's on their hearts. Ask God to show you how to let the person you're discipling know that you care.

Jesus demonstrated interest in the whole person.

Jesus showed genuine concern for those who followed Him. He provided not only for their spiritual needs, but for their physical needs as well. One example is when Jesus raised Jairus' daughter from the dead (Lk. 8:40–56). Imagine if you or I had been at this amazing event. We would hardly have believed our eyes. We would have been dancing and hugging, probably laughing like people gone mad!

It would have been easy to forget the needs of the little girl whose life we were celebrating—which is exactly what happened. Suddenly Jesus told the onlookers to give her something to eat (v. 55). No one, not even her parents, had noticed that the little girl was hungry. Only Jesus had.

That story reminds me of a time when I spoke to a group of university students. After the message, I stood in back while everyone else enjoyed animated discussions. Nobody noticed me except one young woman. She asked if I would like a cup of coffee. "I would love one!" I said.

That young woman showed me love and encouraged me in a very practical way that day. We, too, can keep alert to simple ways to meet people's needs—whether those needs seem "spiritual" or not.

Jesus accepted people as they were.

I have often reflected on the variety of people Jesus attracted. He was a friend of social outcasts, and they invited Him to their homes for meals. He befriended the rich and poor, the healthy and sick, adults and children. They all wanted to be with Him.

That has not always been the case in my relationships. Once, a student I'd known for several years asked me if we could talk. When we got together, he read from a prepared text that listed some faults he had observed in my life. I will never forget one item on that list: "You reject those who don't agree with you." He was right, and I had to confess it. I had done a poor job of accepting people who were different from me.

The reason so many kinds of people were comfortable around Jesus was that He accepted them all. That didn't mean He wanted them to stay as they were: He protected the woman caught in adultery from a self–righteous mob of Pharisees, but He still commanded her to leave her life of sin behind (Jn. 8:11).

In the same way, our love will be evident to our disciples when we accept them with kindness and grace in their areas of weakness (or in the ways they differ from us) even as we help them let go of sin. If we judge them harshly, however, we'll likely lose the privilege of speaking into their lives.

Jesus protected His disciples.

Every time the Pharisees attacked the disciples, Jesus came to their defense. Whether it had to do with washing hands, keeping the Sabbath, or tithing, Jesus was right there defending them. In Jn. 17:12, He prayed, "While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by the name you gave me."

It was a sacred trust, and Jesus fulfilled it. He protected them by being with them and by praying for them. "I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail," He said to Peter (Lk. 22:32). Jesus didn't want His disciples to be isolated from the world, but He knew the world was a dangerous place. He protected them by teaching them to see the world from God's point of view. Jesus put it this way:

My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. . . . Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.

—Jn. 17:15, 17

We can demonstrate love for the people we disciple by protecting them as Jesus did: being with them, praying for their needs, and helping them understand how God's Word relates to their lives and struggles.

Jesus sacrificed for the disciples.

When Jesus finally laid down His life, it was the pinnacle of a life characterized by sacrifice. Jesus sacrificed heaven, with all its privileges and honor. He sacrificed earthly comforts, denying Himself sleep, privacy, and family life. His example is the one we follow:

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

—1 Jn. 3:16

When I was a young believer, I embarked on a rather unsuccessful campaign to avoid pain. But matters came to a head at a youth camp on the hills overlooking Beirut, Lebanon. I felt as if I wasn't giving everything to God. I reasoned with Him, "What more can I give? I've left home, I have no money, I've sacrificed my vocation. I've even left the love of my life to be here. What more do you want, God?"

"You've given me everything except your heart," I heard Him say gently.

I realized there was a connection between my love for Him and my willingness to sacrifice for others. As I looked over the sparkling lights of the city, this thought came to mind: You die, or they die. I needed to die to myself so that God could use me in a deeper, more lasting way to disciple others.

There was no choice really. He gave no less for me, because He loved me so deeply. May we do the same for the younger believers whose lives we touch as disciplers.

Dirk C. van Zuylen is a Navigator staff representative in England.