As a young Christian I feared the skeptic's question. I worried somebody might spring on me an unforeseen spiritual skeleton in the closet, bringing Christianity tumbling down while I stood by looking foolish. Consequently, my responses to questions about my faith were, well, childish and defensive: on the level of "Are not!" or "Are too!"

It didn't take long to realize irrational responses convinced people I had an irrational faith. So I started studying books that taught me what to say in response to their questions—books on apologetics. My conversations became more erudite: "You see, the second law of thermodynamics states. . . ." But those listening acted as if I was from Mars. I wasn't hitting people where they lived. Pompous apologetics seemed grander and more fitting to do battle in defense of God (and make me feel smarter in the process), but they rarely brought people to Christ.

It seemed I couldn't win. I can identify with many who throw up their hands and feel their evangelistic best is to give a testimony. But any temptation to retreat from a reasoned faith is a loss for the church and us personally. The problem is not apologetics, but how we use apologetics. To be equipped to defend your faith means knowing apologetics mixed with wisdom about people.

Anyone tempted to dispense with defending the faith needs to understand that having answers to people's questions isn't just a nice idea; for the Christian it's a command. Peter says: "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect" (1 Pet. 3:15).

Notice, though, the command is more than just having answers. The attitudes with which we approach people are commanded, too. We give answers to those who notice something about our lives, and we do so with gentleness and respect.

Paul is known for his tenacious defense of the gospel, and it's no wonder. Look how Luke regularly describes Paul's evangelistic activity: "So he reasoned in the synagogue with the Jews and the God-fearing Greeks, as well as in the marketplace day by day with those who happened to be there" (Acts 17:17, emphasis mine). "Every Sabbath he reasoned in the synagogue, trying to persuade Jews and Greeks" (Acts 18:4, emphasis mine). "For he vigorously refuted the Jews in public debate, proving from the Scriptures that Jesus was the Christ" (Acts 18:28, emphasis mine).

Notice Paul is not talking about how he did drugs when he was a young rabbi in Rome. Paul did share his testimony, but more often he reasoned boldly about the faith, persuading those who would listen. He could not have done this unless he had thought through the rationality of the gospel message. We need to do the same.

"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders," Paul said. "Make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone" (Col. 4:5–6).

There are attitudes that should govern our apologetics. When you have learned answers to tough questions you have only done half the work of apologetics. The other half is how you approach people. Let's look at this passage in Colossians in more detail.

"Make the most of every opportunity."

Let's face it, one of the biggest hurdles to overcome is our own anxiety about evangelism. Who wants to be thought of as a nut? Yet, when Paul says make the most of opportunities, he's talking of an attitude of readiness to share your faith. Don't duck—make an opportunity. Go on the offensive (without being offensive); make opportunities. Drop hints about your faith. Don't say, "Oh, yes, I just met Bob Smith over coffee." Say, "Oh, yes, I just met Bob Smith over coffee at my church." Let people know you enjoy talking about spiritual issues. Don't just say you enjoyed the movie Dead Man Walking. Say you enjoyed the movie Dead Man Walking because you thought issues of faith were dealt with thoughtfully for a change. Don't pray, "Lord, help my friends at work to know You." Pray, "Lord, give me opportunities today to speak about You with my friends at work." And then be ready for the opportunity that will come your way.

My nine-year-old son, Tristan, and I were at a men's retreat held at Asbury College. It was late and past my son's bedtime. But as we headed for our room, Nate, an earnest freshman, approached me. "Would you mind talking with my roommate?" he implored. "He's seeking God, and I've told him all I know."

I smiled as I wondered how long that took. "Sure," I responded, "I'd love to talk with him."

"He's from Sweden, and he didn't know Asbury was a Christian college, so it's really been, um, interesting," said Nate.

Andreas, tall, blond, and reserved, told me he chose Asbury because it seemed to be in an interesting part of the country, and he wanted to get out of Sweden for a while.

And boy, was Asbury Christian! When Andreas had arrived, he discovered Nate had plastered one wall of their dorm room with a flag of a cross, and his professors actually professed Christianity. The woman he asked out for a date was "a lot of fun, but she was different because. . . ." Andreas struggled for the right English word: "She's a very committed Christian. I mean, she really takes this stuff seriously!"

Good for her, I thought to myself. Small wonder Andreas has questions about Christianity. It was to become an opportunity I'm glad I didn't miss.

"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders."

Not only should we take advantage of opportunities, Paul said we should be wise in our dealings with nonChristians. It's no wonder many Christians shy away from giving a defense for their faith; the model often championed is to overwhelm opposition with memorized facts. Besides, lack of wisdom can be a real waste of time. We can spend hours talking theological points, but miss the main point—a person's standing with God.

Listening to people is the first thing that needs to happen in being "wise in the way you act toward outsiders." The great temptation after you have memorized an answer for "hypocrites in the church," or "what happens to the people who have never heard," or "why the Bible is authoritative" is to blurt it out before you find the real issue.

Don't just listen to their words; listen to their hearts. Know how to read people. Determine, as much as possible, if this person is a true seeker or just a Christian-baiter. Aim to build bridges by acknowledging good questions. Ask questions yourself to make sure that you're talking about the same thing. Seek to know the big picture—what is hindering someone from coming to Jesus.

After exchanging some pleasantries, Andreas began his inquiry with the zeal of a prosecuting attorney.

"First, I don't really understand the blood atonement of Jesus . . . why He was required to be crucified. Propitiation I think it's called."

I swallowed. This is first? I thought, and repented of thinking that Nate didn't know much about the faith.

My mind began to whirl. Perhaps the best place to start was Genesis: how the brokenness of Adam and Eve brought death and the hint of sacrifice as God brought animal skins for them to wear. Perhaps I needed to outline the series of blood sacrifices required by God in the Old Testament law. I could talk about the Passover, and its amazing parallel with the sacrifice of Jesus. Maybe I needed to help Andreas understand the depth of our sin and the need for Christ's work on the cross.

Actually, no, none of the above. Is propitiation important? You bet it is. Could I answer a question about propitiation—yes, in a variety of ways. Was that the conversation I needed to be having with Andreas at the time? Not at all.

"Andreas," I said, "It's a complex issue. I'm not sure I even understand all the ins and outs, but are you sure this is the thing that bothers you about Christianity?"

"Yes," he said, but then his face furrowed. "Well, I am puzzled about that, but no . . . that's not what's bothering me. Not really. What's really on my mind is that I sense God is after me and I feel frightened."

Whew. I'm glad I asked. Not only did I avoid a potentially empty theological discussion, but I talked with Andreas about his heart. That's what I was longing for. I suspect that's what you're looking for in evangelistic discussions, too.

Notice that what helped us talk about something real was a question, not an answer. I might have missed a very important discussion with Andreas if wisdom hadn't prevailed over my knowledge.

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt."

After Paul's counsel to be wise, he coaches us to talk (many Christians get that backwards, too). He says we should let our "conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt."

We're to have conversation—not monologue—conversation. And it should be full of grace, seasoned with salt. I take that to mean we should speak with people in ways that reflect the mercy and grace we have been given by God, but not neglect truth—sometimes hard truth. Correct unbiblical ideas if they are critical to a person understanding the gospel. Yes, it's true no one has ever been argued into the kingdom, but an unanswered question or misinformed prejudice can prevent people from coming to Christ. Sweep them away with gentle, thoughtful answers.

Leave other big issues alone—presidential politics, homosexuality, abortion, and the like—if they don't have something to do with a person's understanding of Jesus. Avoid the temptation to sugarcoat ideas that are not biblical (Paul said salt, not sugar). When I figured out what issue most concerned Andreas—always a major breakthrough in a conversation—I felt free to correct hindrances to the gospel. Here's how I seasoned my conversation with Andreas.

"Andreas," I continued, "you know it's a dangerous thing to be pursued by God."

"Why?" Andreas crossed his arms. He was fully expecting me to tell him he was going to hell.

"He may stop," I said.

This caught Andreas a bit off guard. But after a few seconds he said, "No, I have read that He won't. It's in the book of Romans."

"Oh, yes, Andreas, I know that passage. It's one of my favorites. ‘Nothing will separate us from the love of Christ.' But you see Andreas, that's for Christians, those who were called by God and are now in a relationship with Him. Not you."

"Oh," he said.

Understand, I did not say this with glee. I wanted to reassure. I was impressed he was reading the Bible. I was torn with the deep desire, the temptation to comfort a young man who was frightened and honest and noble. But it would have been sinister. Many, in their desire to create goodwill, crucify the truth.

As Andreas thought about this I said, "Andreas, when you decide to follow Jesus you will have a stronger faith because you've thought through these issues."

"Well," he said, "I've been told if I decide to follow Jesus, He will meet my needs and my life will get very good."

This seemed to Andreas to be a point in Christianity's favor. But I faced another temptation—to make it sound better than it is.

"No, Andreas, no!" I said.

Andreas blinked his surprise.

"Actually, Andreas, you may accept Jesus and find that life goes very badly for you."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, you may find that your friends reject you, you could lose your job, your family might oppose your decision—there are a lot of bad things that may happen to you if you decide to follow Jesus. Andreas, when Jesus calls you, He calls you to go the way of the cross."

Andreas stared at me and asked the obvious: "Then why would I want to follow Jesus?"

Sadly, this is the question that stumps many Christians. For some reason we feel that unless we're meeting people's needs they won't follow Christ. Yet this is not the gospel.

I cocked my head and answered, "Andreas, because Jesus is true."

Don't be afraid of the truth. It's very powerful. Some will be offended, but if people are genuinely interested and we express concern and credibility, they will listen to some hard, salty things.

Sometimes Christians' fear of apologetics comes from the idea that an abrasive spirit and a Ph.D. are required. But one or two well-placed, reasoned thoughts will often do better than an avalanche of details and an attitude. Shed the desire to give all you know in one conversation. For that matter, shed the desire to prove Jesus. You can't. No more than you can prove Caesar or Churchill. (No more than one can disprove Jesus or Caesar or Churchill, for that matter.) But we can give evidence. Tell people we understand the message comes with wild claims. But if it's from God, wouldn't we expect it to?

So don't be lazy. Study. No, you don't have to go to seminary. Yes, you need to have a basic grasp of the critical elements of the gospel. That's what salted my conversation with Andreas.

Faith has spice when you're equipped.

The conversation ebbed. Andreas said he wasn't quite ready to give his life to Christ. I agreed with him: "It's a big decision, and you should think about it."

Andreas took a walk to do that. And though the hour was late, Nate, Tristan (who had listened to the entire conversation), and I walked outside to pray for Andreas under the night sky.

We set up a time for Nate and Andreas to come to our house for dinner and meet the rest of the family—about two weeks off. Tristan prayed for Andreas every night as he went to bed. Off and on I thought through things I wanted to tell Andreas.

But before our dinner date arrived, Andreas decided to follow Christ. Nate called with the news. He sounded happy about the decision Andreas had made, but was rather glum that the one who actually prayed a prayer of commitment with Andreas was the girl Andreas had asked out for a date. I thought that was pretty funny and a lot like God.

Our dinner together was a celebration of Andreas' new life in Christ. Andreas told us the whole story. It encouraged all of us—especially Tristan, for which I'm grateful more than Andreas could know. Andreas told us he wanted to tell someone the good news, so he had conversed with his best friend in Sweden over the internet. "Yeah, he gave his life to Jesus, too."

I suspended my fork midway between mouth and peas. "Andreas, you led your best friend to Christ over the internet?"

"Yeah, the internet is amazing, isn't it?" he said misunderstanding my surprise.

"Well, yes, it is . . . but Andreas, you led your friend to Christ?" I repeated dumbly.

"Yeah," he said, as he scooped a third helping of roast beef onto his plate. "Jesus is pretty exciting, and I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I've got a lot to tell."

Andreas is right you know. Jesus is exciting, and we have a lot to tell.

Do you know something else exciting? When we mix a concern for people with a desire to reason out the faith, folks actually come to Christ. So be equipped: make opportunities, be wise, season your conversation with salt, and watch God work.

J. Mack Stiles is an area director for InterVarsity in Kentucky. Formerly, he directed Global Projects for InterVarsity in Africa. Mack is also the author of Speaking of Jesus: How to Tell Your Friends the Best News They Will Ever Hear (InterVarsity Press, 1995).

Be Prepared

1. To which of the following statements or questions would you currently have a confident response?

__"I don't see any real difference between the way Christians and nonChristians live."

__"I'm already a Christian because I was baptized as a child."

__"I think Christianity is just a psychological crutch."

__"I've lived a moral life. Why isn't that enough?"

__"What makes Jesus different from any other religious leader?"

__"Aren't all religions basically the same?"

2. What are some other challenging questions nonChristians have asked you?

3. What is your typical reaction when someone brings up a difficult question about Christianity?

4. What does 1 Pet. 3:15 say about how you should respond to such opportunities?

5. According to the following verses, what steps can you take to train yourself to more effectively defend your faith?

Ps. 119:11

Ro. 12:6–8

Eph. 6:19–20

2 Tim. 2:15

6. From the questions/statements in questions 1 and 2, select one that you'd like to learn to respond to effectively. See "Resources that Answer Challenges to Christianity" for suggested helps in achieving your goal. You may want to team with a Christian friend with whom you can practice your defense of your faith. Some small groups have focused on learning answers to questions like those above and polishing their witnessing skills through role-playing.