Illustration by Hadyn Cornner

When my daughter was in middle school, she had a group of cynical, rebellious friends who attended church because their parents required it. My thinking about her peers ran along these lines: God is big enough to capture the hearts of all these young women and draw them to Himself.

So I prayed to that end. I encouraged my daughter to invite her friends to Bible studies and other church activities. They came! I considered that a positive sign; their hearts were still open to spiritual truth.

My "wise plan" was to conquer through love and truth, values reflected in many Bible passages. But as I was praying for my daughter's friends one morning, the Holy Spirit began to draw my attention to other passages of Scripture, including 1 Cor. 15:33: "Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.'"

At first, I balked at this truth. It grated on my understanding of the Christian call to be salt and light in the world. One day, however, I picked up the phone to make a call and heard a nasty voice saying to my daughter, "You are so weird for wanting to read the Bible." I was shocked! Until that point, I had not realized how intent on dragging my daughter away from her faith these friends really were.

The following fall God opened some doors that made it possible for my daughter to attend a different school. We decided that a transfer would be a wise move, in part because it would reduce her contact with those girls. My daughter was grateful. "Mom," she told me, "I needed to get away from my friends. It was getting harder and harder to stand up to them." How limited my understanding of the issues had been! With a perfect knowledge of my daughter, God led us into a wiser understanding that resulted in a change of plans.

Life is full of situations in which we think we know what to do, but we really don't. We also face dilemmas in which we have no idea what the right course of action is. Perhaps we're asking God to help us understand a difficult child. We may want insight into a confidence–shattering event. Or we need God's perspective on a spell of suffering. At times like these, we stand in need of a healthy dose of God's wisdom.

What is godly wisdom? How do I recognize it when I see it? And how do I get more of it?

Wisdom and Company

Strictly defined, wisdom is the ability to assess a situation accurately and come up with a workable plan to reach a desired goal. But in Proverbs, where wisdom is mentioned most frequently in the Scriptures, wisdom rarely stands alone. Several colleagues normally surround it: knowledge, understanding, discernment, and insight. When we plead, "Give me wisdom, Lord!" we are often asking for wisdom and its associates.

I was once employed as a long–term substitute for a fellow teacher who had to take some time off. I loved that job. I would have been ecstatic if I had been offered a permanent position. The school's teacher–student ratio was small. I clicked with my coworkers, my students, and their parents.

Unfortunately, the teacher I was temporarily replacing didn't enjoy good relationships with the other teachers. So I found myself regularly drawn into conversations like this one: "Carol, we really wish you were teaching here permanently." These conversations could not be scripted ahead of time. Wise responses required the counsel of wisdom's colleagues.

First, I needed a bedrock conviction of God's goodness built on the knowledge that He is committed to accomplishing what concerns me (Ps. 138:8). I needed to trust Him to give me the right job at the right time.

Next, I needed to understand what the Scriptures say about relationships. God instructs me to love my neighbor as I love myself (Mt. 22:39). I would have been deeply hurt if I'd known that my coworkers sometimes talked about how hard it was to connect with me. Therefore I had to avoid fanning the fires of slander.

I also needed discernment about my circumstances and human nature. Proverbs warns that one side of someone's story seems accurate until the other person tells her version (Prov. 18:17). It would be naive to embrace my coworkers' perspective as the only valid viewpoint. The woman I replaced had a story to tell too.

Finally, I needed insight to see people's core frustrations clearly so that I could respond without dishonoring anyone or appearing self–righteous. In this situation and others since then, I have continually cried out to God for wisdom to negotiate these conversational minefields.

The Quest for Wisdom

If you, too, have wondered where you can find God's wisdom, you are not alone. Job asked, "But where can wisdom be found? Where does understanding dwell?" (Job 28:12).

I like to think of wisdom as a quest—a quest everyone is invited to join.

Wisdom shouts in the street, she lifts her voice in the square; at the head of the noisy streets she cries out; at the entrance of the gates in the city, she utters her sayings: "How long, O naive ones, will you love simplicity? And scoffers delight themselves in scoffing and fools hate knowledge? Turn to my reproof, behold, I will pour out my spirit on you; I will make my words known to you." —Prov. 1:20–23, NASB

The invitation to wisdom's house is open to all. Age, intelligence, physical prowess, wealth, or position have nothing to do with who is on her guest list.

Wisdom also says,

Receive my sayings and treasure my commandments within you, make your ear attentive to wisdom, incline your heart to understanding; for if you cry for discernment, lift your voice for understanding; if you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures; then you will discern the fear of the Lord, and discover the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom.

—Prov. 2:1–6, NASB

The words in this passage place a strong emphasis on what we must do to get to wisdom's house. It's our responsibility to cry out, to make our ears attentive, and to search for wisdom as we might seek hidden treasure. The quest for wisdom is no meandering vacation. It is a journey that requires determination and purpose.

Growing in wisdom, then, involves both response and initiative on our part. On the one hand, we are all invited to wisdom's house. On the other hand, we have to get up and go!

The Beginning of Wisdom

Our quest for wisdom begins, as do all such endeavors, with a starting point. In this case, the starting point is found in Prov. 9:10: "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." My sister–in–law Cindy exemplifies this principle. Her fear of the Lord is evident in her speech—which is peppered with short prayers for wisdom and guidance throughout each day—and in encouraging anecdotes about how He has answered.

Cindy's stories often describe how God stopped her from saying something foolish or redirected her into another course of action. She has chosen to anchor her daily life in the reality that God is lovingly attentive to her, and she intends to obey Him. That is the essence of what it looks like to walk in the fear of God.

Psalm 139 reminds us that God knit each of us together in our mother's womb. He knows how we are wired and exactly what we need in every detail of daily life. If we try to figure out everything on our own, we will strive and struggle and ultimately feel dissatisfied.

In contrast, wisdom offers this invitation:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

—Prov. 3:5–6

The Ways of Wisdom

When we begin to pursue wisdom by fearing the Lord, He gives us three resources we need to succeed in our quest.

He gives us a map: the Bible. This map is not like downloading directions from the internet. We don't just enter our point of departure and our destination, and then print out detailed instructions. We can't open our Bible and read whether to accept a job in another city, hire a certain employee, or take on a volunteer position.

So what use is this map? The Bible reflects the heart of God, and its stories and teachings reveal what He values. To grow in wisdom, we need to study and meditate on the Scriptures with the goal of conforming our values to His.

In Dickens' A Christmas Carol, Ebenezer Scrooge loved money more than everything else. This core value affected his attitudes and everyday choices. For example, he did not want his employees to take vacation time. During the Christmas season, he refused invitations to parties, proclaiming "Bah humbug!" whenever anyone wished him a merry Christmas.

We, too, make big and little decisions based on our values. Like Ebenezer, our cherished ways of life do not easily change. Unlike Mr. Scrooge, many of our choices involve clashes between two good options. We can sit down, list the pros and cons of a choice, and see God's values in both. Discerning between two good options requires wisdom.

So how does this process work? Well, God doesn't just invite us on this quest, hand us a map, slap us on the back, and say, "Good luck!" Instead, He leads us in another important way.

He gives us a personal guide who goes with us every step of the way.

I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever; that is the Spirit of truth.

—Jn. 14:16, NASB

After we accept Christ, God's Spirit indwells us. His Spirit immediately begins to interact with ours, helping us to understand the Bible, discern right from wrong, and experience the power to live righteously.

Discerning the voice of the Holy Spirit is highly personal, often subjective, and sometimes makes no sense to those around us. Choosing a college was one of those experiences for me. I had my heart set on attending a Christian school, and I was in the process of determining which one to attend. Then my dad came home from work one day, plopped a passel of papers in my lap, and said, "I would like you to apply to this school."

I looked at the brochures and grimaced. In the first place, that particular college was in a hot climate—which I hate. Second, it was a private, secular school. I really was not interested! As I continued to consider other options, our clashing opinions became a point of contention in our family. But the Holy Spirit kept drawing me back to my Dad's suggestion, even though it didn't make sense to me or my mother.

I decided to seek the counsel of the headmaster of my Christian high school. I felt confident that the cards would be stacked in my favor, since he obviously valued Christian education. The headmaster listened patiently to my detailed reasoning. Then, quietly, he asked, "Carol, who is paying for your college education?"

"Well  . . . " I stuttered, "my dad is."

"Then there's your answer," he replied assuredly.

That's it? I thought. What about God and the value of Christian education? Even as I struggled to accept his counsel, the Holy Spirit was confirming that Dad's suggestion was the right choice. Slowly, I yielded to the Holy Spirit's guidance and began to experience His peace.

I still needed to talk about my sense of God's leading with Mom, however. She had been equally perplexed by the process. "Mom, I've been praying about this college decision, and I really feel the Holy Spirit is leading me to attend the school Dad recommended."

"Carol, this morning in my quiet time, God led me to the same conclusion."

Shortly thereafter, I packed my bags and headed off to the college of Dad's choice. In this environment, God's purposes for me began to unfold. I discovered that I took great joy in befriending those who did not know Him. I counted it a privilege to participate in His work of calling people to Himself. I got involved with a collegiate ministry that further established me in my relationship with God. I met lifelong friends—including my future husband.

The Holy Spirit had guided me, a young 17–year–old, through prayer, personal peace, and wise counsel.

He gives us traveling companions. In addition to a map and a divine guide to help us read it, God encourages us to travel to wisdom's house with fellow pilgrims: "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm" (Prov. 13:20). Wise people are not perfect, but they are teachable. They are eager to hear God's voice through His Word, learn from others, and apply what they hear to their lives. Proverbs 19:20 says "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise."

Input from wise people takes many forms. It may look like defined mentoring relationships with scheduled meeting times. Or it may be an occasional, trusted voice that we seek out for guidance (such as my headmaster). Close, godly friends are perhaps the most regular source of wise counsel. Walking with wise people requires trust and frequent contact. We may long for wise people to pursue us. But if we're serious about getting wisdom, we'll probably need to take the initiative to seek them out.

The Bible, the Holy Spirit, and wise companions are traditional sources of instruction. Sometimes, however, the voice of wisdom comes from unexpected places. For example, Prov. 6:6 says, "Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!" Why on earth would God instruct us to look at an ant? While few of us are botanists or biologists, God's creation still reflects the wisdom of His design. As we walk down the road of wisdom, we need to be alert to those unique ways God wants to reveal His wise character and guide our decisions.

The Pursuit of a Lifetime

Wise people do not live out their days in total comfort and freedom from trouble. Jesus made it clear in Mt. 7:24–27 that even when the wise man built his house on a rock, the storm still came. Building on a rock did not prevent the rain from falling, but it did keep the wise man's house from being swept away. Only God's wisdom offers the kind of security that enables us to weather the tempests and torrents of life with grace and dignity. God's wisdom places both setbacks and victories in their proper perspective.

One day we'll all live in a world that reflects God's views and values perfectly. Until then, we can seek to know and embrace His values by pursuing what He has said is most important. As Paul wisely instructed Timothy, "Pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart" (2 Tim. 2:22). Let's stay on the road to wisdom's house and pray to God as David did: "Teach us to number our days, that we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom" (Ps. 90:12, NASB).

Carol D. Mayberry is an elementary school teacher in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Early in her Christian walk she became interested in learning to discern between the walk of wisdom and the voices we hear around us everyday.

Someday Carol would like to spend a year teaching and living in Finland.