The Christian faces the crucible of testing when he faces a relationship that has broken down. Some, like the embassy official Don X. Gibbs in John Updike's novel (The Coup), retreat. After his death, Gibbs's widow reflected, "I've forgotten a lot about Don . . . actually I didn't see that much of him. He was always trying to help people. But he only liked to help people he didn't know."

Lest we fall into the trap of loving "only the people we don't know," we need to learn to make peace in our own relationships and among our Christian brothers who are at odds. When relationships are out of sync, we need to take action to make them right and productive—whether we are the offender, the offended, or the innocent bystander. This is the message of Philemon.

"He only liked to help people he didn't know!" How like many Christians! It is much easier to welcome a visitor to our fellowship than to confront someone we think has been gossiping about us behind our backs. It is easier to witness to a stranger than to reconcile a relationship with a fellow Christian who has involved us in a shady business deal.

BIBLICAL PEACE-MAKING

In the tiny Book of Philemon, we have a biblical model of three people at work to bring about right relationships. One is the offender, another is offended, and the third tries to reconcile them. Written from prison, this shortest of Paul's letters was addressed to Phileman. Paul's purpose was to reconcile Philemon to his escaped slave Onesimus, who had fled to Rome, had been converted under Paul's ministry, and now was resuming to his master.

The letter is personal and focuses on one basic issue: making peace in the Body between two people who have had their relationship broken. It is a beautiful example of the members of the Body of Christ at work to restore broken relationships, and it provides a model for us of keeping peace between ourselves and the people closest to us.

Paul the Reconciler

Paul takes the initiative and writes to Philemon. He is, in effect, the "innocent bystander" who observed a breakdown between Onesimus and his master. He could have said, "Well, I have led Onesimus to the Lord; now he must decide how to act toward Philemon," but he didn't. He took action. He went out of his way to see two Christian brothers reconciled.

Paul evidently stood to benefit more by keeping Onesimus as an assistant in ministry (v. 13) than by restoring his relationship with Philemon. There was a personal cost in releasing him. Paul even stood to lose financially, since Onesimus had apparently stolen from Philemon and Paul volunteered to pay Philemon back (v. 19). Like the rescuer in the story of the Good Samaritan, Paul was willing to put money out to help care for another.

Paul acts as a mediator between two who are not at peace. He takes the initiative. He is willing to absorb personal cost. He puts himself in a vulnerable position so that forgiveness can rule between members of the Body of Christ.

To follow Paul's example we must be willing to take initiative and absorb cost. One member of our church did this when he saw a father and son who had let the accumulated hurts of many years break their relationship. The son and father had both become Christians, but they still refused to talk with each other. The church member took action. He went to both of them individually to urge them to be reconciled. He listened for long hours to the hurt and pain and bitterness that poured out of father and son as each revealed his side of the story. And then he paid for the $350 flight ticket to put them back together.

Any of us who desire to take this action had best prepare by expecting some hostility ("It's none of your business!") or hopelessness ("It will never work; he won't accept me.") or cost. But these initial responses must be endured so that the fullness of forgiveness can be experienced in the Body of Christ when His people are at peace.

Onesimus the Repenter

Peace-making in the Body requires not only a person who is willing to take the initiative to see two parties reconciled, but also people who are willing to be reconciled.

Onesimus, whose name means "useful," had escaped from Philemon's household, where he had been a slave, and had stolen something. He had fled to Rome, more than 1,000 miles away, and had become a Christian. After assisting Paul for a while, he had repented of his sin of escaping from his master and stealing from him, and now was resuming to him. Paul sent this letter with him to encourage Philemon to forgive Onesimus and receive him.

Onesimus' actions exemplify the cost of repenting and seeking reconciliation. He would leave the security of Rome and Paul to travel 1,000 miles, with no assurance of forgiveness. Would Philemon receive him? Would he forgive him for the theft? Or would he punish him?

By God's grace at work in him, Onesimus returned. True to his name, he proved useful not only to Paul but also to Philemon (v. 11). And later, he rose to a place of great importance in the Church. "There is much to be said for the view that Onesimus did not remain a private Christian," writes historian F.F. Bruce, "but became in due course one of the most important figures in the life of the province of Asia—bishop of Ephesus, no less." Perhaps his repentance was the foundation stone in Onesimus' growth that prepared him for the wisdom and mercy he would need to be a great Church leader in the first century.

As a repenter, Onesimus gives us an example of what we should do when we sin against others. Unlike the prodigal son, he did not wait for his own life to become desperate before he returned; he was soft in his heart to the Holy Spirit and to his teacher, Paul, and he returned to Philemon freely.

There is no evidence that Onesimus tried to excuse his behavior. He didn't say, ‘Why should I return to this man? I was a slave there! I wasn't free! Here I'm free. And besides, you should have seen how he treated me!" No, he repented without excuse.

After four years as a Christian the Lord convicted me about an incident when I stole something before my conversion. I returned to the employer, repented of the theft, and paid him back. It was difficult to do because I couldn't excuse or justify my behavior. I was guilty, at the mercy of the one I'd offended.

Perhaps more difficult has been repenting of things I've done since becoming a Christian. In the former case, I could at least rationalize, "Well, I was a pagan then. I didn't know any better." But now, as a Christian, I still speak unkindly, exemplify bad attitudes, and offend others. I still need to repent and, like Onesimus who traveled 1,000 miles, I must go out of my way to ask forgiveness of those whom I have wronged.

To see peace restored to broken relationships, there must be someone willing to repent.

Philemon the Receiver

In a culture without slavery it's hard for us to realize the magnitude of Paul's request to Philemon. Unlike the father of the prodigal (who received his own son), Philemon was asked to receive his runaway, thieving slave. And he was asked to receive him not as a slave but as a "dear brother . . . in the Lord" (v. 16). Philemon, as a slave-owner, would have had the right to punish Onesimus, perhaps even to kill him, for escape and theft. Receiving him as a Christian brother would demand the maximum grace and forgiveness.

Did Philemon forgive Onesimus? Yes. We know it because the letter survived. Had he rejected Paul's request he surely would have suppressed or destroyed the letter. Indeed, Philemon and the church at his house must have received Onesimus with full forgiveness (and forgetfulness; cf. Ps. 103:12), welcomed him into the fellowship, and discipled him in the faith so that he could become a significant leader in the church at Ephesus.

The need for "receivers" is everywhere in the Body of Christ. There are parents who need to forgive and receive children who have rebelled in the past. There are business partners who need to forgive and receive each other after a deal turns sour. There are many people who may formerly have been useless to us whom we—by realizing the grace God has shown us—must see as useful (Phlm. 11).

One of the best examples of the receiving function at work is recorded in the book The Man Who Could Do No Wrong, by Charles Blair. As a pastor, Blair made some strategic, though unintentional, financial errors that led to his indictment on charges of fraud. The news media reported the incident before the Sunday service, so Blair reported the failures and mix-guided decisions in his remarks that morning. As he repented and asked the church's forgiveness, the congregation spontaneously burst into applause as an affirmation of their love and forgiveness and of their commitment to help him through the tough days ahead. In spite of their leader's failure, those people were full of mercy and willing to receive him, much as Philemon did Onesimus.

PRINCIPLES IN ACTION TODAY

The exemplary relationships recorded in the letter to Philemon present strategic principles that are needed in the Christian fellowship every day. For relationships to remain healthy, and for broken relationships to be restored, we must be willing to fill (at one time or another) our roles in all three categories:

1. As reconcilers, we must be willing to take action when we see people at odds with each other. We need to make the effort to see brothers and sisters restored to fellowship (cf. Mt. 18:18–20) and we must be willing to absorb the discomfort and cost that will be incurred as we destroy the root of bitterness that can spring up between believers (Heb. 12:14–15).

2. As repenters, we must be willing to acknowledge our sins, to go to the person we have offended, and to ask his forgiveness without excuses. We are sinners, and our sins affect our relationships with friends, spouses, children, and co-workers. If relationships are to remain wholesome and holy, we need to repent when we sin.

3. As receivers, we need to offer the forgiveness and mercy that people need when they ask our forgiveness. And we must ask God for the grace to forgive and forget so that our forgiveness is not, "I forgive you, but you'd better not do that again" but "I will remember your sins no more (as I try to imitate God)."

It is all too easy to love "only the people we don't know" and to overlook the rifts that exist between us and those who are closest to us. Peace-making in the Body of Christ means undertaking the challenge of following the examples of Paul, Onesimus, and Philemon in restoring relationships to love and growth.

Reverend Paul Borthwick is minister of youth and missions at Grace Chapel, Lexington, Massachusetts.

Peacemaking in the Body

1. Think of a situation in which you have offended someone. According to the article, what can you do to seek reconciliation? Ask God to show you steps to take, write them down, then pray for God's blessing and take action.

2. Think of a situation in which you have witnessed a broken relationship between two Christians that is not yet healed. According to the article, what can you do to help them be reconciled? Ask God to show you steps to take, write them down, then pray for God's blessing and take action.

3. Think of a situation in which you have been offended by someone and your relationship is still not healed. According to the article, what can you do to seek reconciliation? Ask God to show you steps to take, write them down, then pray for God's blessing and take action.

4. Describe below a situation in which a broken relationship was healed—whether you were involved in it or not. How did the healing come about?