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Explore 10 common and destructive myths about marriage and how to replace these toxic thoughts with solid biblical truth.
After the excitement of the wedding comes the reality of marriage. Are you ready?
This book by best-selling author Jerusha Clark explores the 10 most common and destructive marriage misconceptions. Find out if your expectations of marriage are actually hurting your relationship by examining your thoughts on money, sex, God's will, children, love, and contentment.
Women of all ages and their relationships can benefit from this honest dialogue.
Other Links of Interest:
Read a review of Jerusha's book.
Listen to an interview with Jerusha.
High praise for When I Get Married....
Hear Jerusha on Focus on the Family. when I get Married Fact or Fiction (part 1)
Hear Jerusha on Focus on the Family. when I get Married Fact or Fiction (part 2)
Jerusha on the Drew Marshall Show
When I Get Married . . .
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Helpful read especially when I was still engaged/about-to-wed
I didn’t expect much, judging from the book cover (yes, we all do, even though we shouldn’t, judge a book by its cover). The author’s name was unfamiliar, and the title wasn’t catchy.
But the book surprised me. It got me thinking; it challenged my own ideas.
Jerusha Clark identifies common myths--some so common they almost sound silly; I know that I for one responded like, “Of course I know that’s a marriage myth, I’m too intelligently to get sold on that old stuff from the movies!” But then Jerusha explores the myths with original insight that made me see that, at the back of my mind, I have been taken in by these myths—hook, line, and sinker. She helped me see the gravity of the “When I Get Married…” ideas I have subscribed to (willingly or not!), and made me realize my need for God’s grace to shift my perspective.
Some of the wrong ideas that struck me were: When I get married, I’ll never be lonely; sex won’t be a problem; I’ll know what to do with my life. The book helped me learn things about myself, expose wrong beliefs.
The learnings are fresh, the ideas flow naturally. But more than insightful, it’s a well-crafted book. The writing is beautiful, in some parts even lyrical.
This is a good tool for singles and about-to-weds, but take care not to intellectualize marriage too much. I think you need to balance book learnings and head knowledge with a lot of God’s grace found in experiencing the daily grind of married life, and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit’s leading in marriage.
1/3/2010 1:31:22 AM
Helpful, but unnecessarily wordy and legthy
When I Get Married: Surrendering the Fantasy, Embracing the Reality is a valuable resource for single, married, and previously married women. The topics Clark cover range from loneliness, to sex, to money, to self-worth. Jerusha Clark approaches the realities of marriage with boldness, even being willing to share her own experiences. But moreover, she draws on the life stories of a handful of other women, which enrich her points. These stories help us all understand how unrealistic or ungodly expectations of marriage can make marriage harder than it already is on its own. I did find the chapters to be longer than necessary, with Clark repeating the same thought a few times within a chapter. I think the book would have read much better were it shorter. But, all in all, I found Clark’s book to be full of truth, grace, and honesty. This book would be particularly helpful for teen girls or others in the early stages of life preparation. It will definitely help many people who are dreaming of their future to “surrender the fantasy” and “embrace the reality” God has given them, single or married.
9/23/2009 12:04:08 AM
Having read some of the books Jerusha has co-authored with her husband, Jeramy, I was immediately interested to read this book when I saw it offered for review. While it gives the impression this book is for unmarried women, it is really written for all women. And apart from the specific female references throughout the book, I think guys (particularly those considering marriage) could also read and greatly benefit from the advice in it.
"When I Get Married" isn't a light, fluffy read. It's deeply thought-provoking and challenging. It's quite the reality check in the middle of a Hollywood-influenced world but, if you want to go into marriage with your eyes wide open, this book is probably a great place to start. Jerusha shares ten myths about marriage and each chapter has the story of somebody who's life was directly affected by not understanding the truth.
If you're serious about your marriage (existing or dreamt-of) and willing to "surrender a fantasy in order to embrace the reality", I recommend you get your hands on a copy of this book!
8/27/2009 1:46:48 AM
A book nearly every Christian woman should read
Clark devotes one chapter to each of the following misconceptions that women, single and married alike, often hold about marriage:(1)"I’ll Always Feel Loved," (2) "I’ll Feel Whole, Complete, and Satisfied," (3) "I Won’t Feel Lonely Anymore," (4) "Life Will Be So Much Better," (5) "I Won’t Have to Worry About Money," (6) "I’ll Know What to Do with the Rest of My Life," (7) "Sex Won’t Be an Issue Anymore," (8) "I’ll Feel Pretty (and Witty and Bright)," (9) "I’ll Have a Happy Family," and (10) "It Will Be Forever."
Clark includes a first-person person story with each chapter. In one case, it's her own, and the rest belong to friends of hers. Each woman tells how she hurt because of one of these misconceptions concerning her own marriage. Clark then discusses biblical counsel concerning these issues and urges her readers to develop more realistic views of marriage.
Why to Read When I Get Married: Clark never bashes marriage; she does urge her readers not to burden themselves or other people with unrealistic expectations. Clark's insight captures common misconceptions about marriage; most women can probably identify with several areas Clark discusses. The personal stories contain transparency that invites the reader into the discussion and provides a ring of authenticity to the book. Clark doesn't replicate specialized advice that she feels others have already done well; she speaks as one woman to another, in a disarming and encouraging tone. And if that's not enough, subject matter applies to both single and married women.
Any woman who is married or has considered marriage as an option for her life could benefit from Clark's exhortation. Particularly Christian women should pay attention to this book, as the Bible forms its authority and basis. Any women interested in mentoring other women could also benefit from the clear explanations and principles offered in When I Get Married.
8/1/2009 7:41:18 AM
Book Review: When I Get Married
Is your idea of marriage framed by movies, popular romance novels or your own idealistic fantasies? Would you know what will remain of your marriage after the honeymoon is over? Is the knowledge of a biblical marriage included in your Wedding Planner notebook?
In Jerusha Clark’s new book “When I Get Married: Surrendering the Fantasy, Embracing the Reality“, the tone is set in Chapter One with these words from Isaiah…
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you:
I have called you by name, you are Mine!…
You are precious in My sight…
You are honored and I love you…
For the mountains may be removed
and the hills may shake,
But My Lovingkindness will not be removed from you,
And My covenant of peace will not be shaken. “
—Isaiah 43:1,4; 54:10, NASB
Drawing from biblical principles and written with a personable, conversational ease, this book takes the reader through ten misconceptions about marriage provoking the reader from abstract fantasies to the far better genuine reality if approached as God intended.
Each chapter is filled with citations from other highly recommended books on marriage, offering the reader direction should they want to pursue the Truths the author presents.
Marriage is the second most important decision in a woman’s life (the first being her salvation) and Jerusha Clark addresses 10 ideas in the light of scripture.
1. I’ll Always Feel Loved
2. I’ll Feel Whole, Complete, and Satisfied
3. I Won’t Feel Lonely Anymore
4. Life will Be So Much Better
5. I Won’t Have to Worry About Money
6. I’ll know What to Do with the Rest of My Life
7. Sex Won’t be an Issue Anymore
8. I’ll Feel Pretty (and Witty and Bright)
9. I’ll Have a Happy Family
10. It Will Be Forever
This is a wonderful resource for the woman who is not afraid of Truth, who truly wants a successful marriage, and is willing to walk through the scriptures to establish her home.
7/3/2009 1:56:31 PM