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This full report on teenage dating provides the tools youth pastors and parents need to reach and relate to teens about sex and purity.
After interviewing thousands of teens, author Andy Braner put it all down on paper in a straight-talk approach to teen sex and dating.
Revealing some startling statistics, he explains to parents and youth pastors what the current situation is with teens and sex, how we got here, and where the current out-of-control sex-driven culture is leading us.
Readers will find out how to reach teens with a biblical message on dating, sexual promiscuity, purity, and redemption.
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An Expose on Teen Sex and Dating
Trim Size: 5.5 x 8.25
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Discuss the book with your teen.
When were teens not having sex? According to Braner it's only a recent occurence happening between mass proportions. The truth is teens have been having sex for a very long time.. The average age of marriage is at least now in the mid-twenties, but a few decades ago people were marrying as teenagers more often. It isn't that more teens are having sex, it's that marriage now occurs when people are older, which increases their chances of more sexual encounters.
Before I continue my rant about that though I'll share with you what this book addresses. Braner is giving advice to parents on how to help their teens stray from sexual temptation. He provides a lot of discussions he's had, and a few statistics that have been found about how sexually active teens are. I believe that Braner is trying to stay realistic in providing advice, and his intent is good, but the book makes stereotypical points that may misguide parents on how to relate to their teens.
I'll agree with Braner that guys don't really think about their wedding day plans as much as women, but I don't agree that women don't think about sex as often as guys. Many girls think about the honeymoon night, and I would even say anticipate that about as much as the wedding. Girls won't be as quick to admit that though, since we still haven't gotten to the point where girls are admitting they think, and talk sexually about as much as a guy. It's like the author forgot the erotic fiction market is one of the hugest, and it's main audience is women. That should convey something about how women are drawn to sexuality, but not in the visual way men are. I also knew girls who read erotica in high school, so it's audience has a huge range.
I do like how Braner encourages dating though because he believes that in order to get know ourselves, and other people, we need to. He doesn't write it off as Joshua Harris does. For some reason I felt this book was older than it was, but I'm not sure what made me feel that way. I like how this book is attempting to be helpful to parents, and encourages them to be active in their teens lives.He also gives a good layout on why dating is useful.
Overall the book does provide good points, but it has so much stereotyping which weakens his point. I believe that the majority of guys, and girls are as he explains they are in the book, but you have to consider the people who aren't like that so you aren't missing anyone. He could have elaborated on how sex is an emotional experience both men and women, but he doesn't. Not all guys treat sex as a tool for their physical needs, and not all girls treat it as an emotional bond. You have to address those instances because those do occur. This book is a good starting place for parents who are trying to understand teens though. The way sex is treated isn't just a teen problem though, because anytime sex is being mistreated by any age there is a problem.
7/18/2011 9:45:09 PM
Right on Target
“What would you say if I told you I had sex?” asked my daughter when she had just turned 14 years old as we were sunning on the swimming pool deck. My thoughts exploded fearfully in a zillion directions. Was this just a hypothetical question? What if it wasn’t? What is the right answer? How can I answer this and keep her desiring to be open and honest with me? And shouldn’t she first be asking the question “When am I old enough to date?”??
While I have tried to construct a biblical foundation of sexuality, including books and programs with biblical principles such as The Princess and the Kiss as a third grader, purity retreats as a pre-teen, True Love Waits, I Kissed Dating Good-Bye and Every Young Woman’s Battle as a teenager, I feel like I am fighting a losing battle in our sex-saturated culture. She groans and says I don’t understand and that I can’t relate to all the pressure that she faces.
Until I found this book. It took me so long to review it because she kept sneaking it out of my room to read it. In An Expose on Teen Sex and Dating, by Andy Braner, has opened up a panorama of topics for us to discuss about current teen culture, hooking up, and dating. While she acknowledges that our small town in Kansas is not as ‘bad’ about ‘hooking up’ as he portrays, she says for the most part he is right on target. Andy Braner hits the nail on the head when he says the problem lies in the ability teenagers have to compartmentalize every area of their lives. That is why the programs for purity don’t work.
A youth minister and speaker who has spent many years talking with and listening to teens, Andy Braner presents a biblical view of dating, why dating is good, how to date, how parents should handle dating, and how to handle it with dating relationships go wrong. Andy believes that God ordained certain relationships to happen in His timing and backs it up with Scripture. Dating is an exercise in helping teens understand who they are compatible with and how to grow in a relationship.
I learned that my job is to simply and clearly show God’s mercy even as she wants to run away from His perfect plan. The most powerful way to influence is to live life with her, to show her love in the midst of poor choices and to help her find Christ’s healing when brokenness happens. “The pain and suffering endured by a life in recognition of sin can often be the exact road God wants us to go down. The beauty is that God is there to make the way straight again, anytime we ask” (p. 173).
The writing style in this book was conversational and natural – it drew me in as well as my daughter not only in the topic covered but in the fluid writing style. I very highly recommend this book to any parent of teens or those in youth ministry.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from NavPress Publishers as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
7/17/2011 8:26:24 PM
Teen Sex and Dating
85% of teens will be sexually active by the time they leave college. What are Christian parents supposed to do to make their child the exception, particularly with dating no where in the Bible? Andy Braner broaches the taboo and sometimes forbidden topic of sex and dating in teens and gives insight on how to talk to your children about it.
First off, I think it's fair to note that I had no idea this was a book for parents when I ordered it. I thought it was a for teens on the subject. So that was a bit of a disappointment.
On the other hand, I think this is a great book for parents of preteen or teenage children, because it gets inside the minds of teens and how we think.
There are things that Andy says that I don't agree with, however. He encourages parents to read their children's texts, look at their computer history, and any other thing of that nature. He emphasizes that total openness with a dating teen is important and I can't agree more, but snooping?! Another point he makes is that you pay for everything, which is true but I'm not really sure that means that you can check up on everything your child is doing.
Also, Mr. Braner's perception of "hooking up" is innocent at best. He tells that hooking up is just a steamy make out session when in truth it is so much more. This can really mislead adults into thinking it's something it's not.
There are a lot of good points that he makes. Like, platonic dating leads to good social skills and prepares kids for a proper marriage; also, he also urges parents to talk to their kids about sex, not just the physical aspect, but the emotional and mental aspect as well.
Andy touches points that may be sore for some parents, but what all parents need to hear. He helps you identify what kind of parent you are when your child has a date, also he tells that if your child is around thirteen your child knows about sex; which is very true.
Overall, this book is a great book for parents to know how their kids think and how to change the perception of dating in parents' minds, but there are aspects that he says that parents need to be careful of and take into consideration before following every word. I give it a three out of five.
7/6/2011 1:20:27 AM
real guidance and honest discussion
This is not a salacious or a controversial title, but it is a necessary exploration of a topic which has not really been given enough attention in this type of depth before by a Christian-oriented publisher. Subtitled ‘ what’s really going on and how to talk about it’, this is one of the finest books of its kind that I have seen. It does not shy away from real life topics like STDs, sext-ing or facebook friends and engages the reader in an informed debate about popular views on the way we bring up our teens.
This book is presented well for its target audience with lists, anecdotes and personal experiences all blended together as real guidance, a basis for honest discussion and a platform for ’telling it as it is’. This is a book that recognises that the world has changed a great deal in recent years and the equipping of teens with email, mobile phones and instant communication has opened up new worlds of opportunities. Media outlets bombard us with information and images that encourage teens to think of themselves as marketing targets and sexual objects.
Those of us who have teenagers, work with teens or have regular contact with them will have realised that there are a lot of opportunities for casual relationships to develop. This book does recognise young people’s need to develop relationships that last. The advice is common sense and grounded and common arguments are debated openly and honestly.
The book will not really be an expose to many although there are several revelations that will come uneasily to people un-used to the teenage dating scene. It is a useful addition to any library and necessary reading for people wanting to know more about modern teenage life.
I’ve only one criticism – the front cover design gives out completely the wrong message. While most people will see this title in a Christian bookshop, the cover design may discourage rather than encourage a closer look.
6/27/2011 7:41:46 AM