{"id":11871,"date":"2022-06-28T13:53:58","date_gmt":"2022-06-28T13:53:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.navpress.com\/sites\/thedisciplemaker\/?p=11871"},"modified":"2023-06-30T14:37:14","modified_gmt":"2023-06-30T14:37:14","slug":"caregiver-what-do-you-need-to-cross-off-your-list","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.navpress.com\/sites\/thedisciplemaker\/2022\/06\/caregiver-what-do-you-need-to-cross-off-your-list\/","title":{"rendered":"Caregiver, What Do You Need to Cross Off Your List?"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

This article is an excerpt from the book, <\/em>We\u2019re Stronger than We Look: Insights and Encouragement for the Caregiver\u2019s Journey. Jill and David Brown lived full and healthy lives until David took a violent fall off his bicycle and into a wheelchair in 2009. Jill now serves as his primary caregiver.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The first summer after David\u2019s accident, I tried to replace a headlight bulb in our Chevy. Did you know some cars have two separate bulbs on each side, one for high beam and one for low, located in different places, with one hiding behind the other?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t. Not until I went back to the auto supply store, frustrated and sweaty, to report that no amount of contorting myself under the car\u2019s hood would make the bulb fit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, the contempt in that salesman\u2019s face and voice . . .<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As they say in novels, something snapped. I didn\u2019t exactly shout, but everyone in the store heard me tell him, \u201cMy husband is a quadriplegic, I\u2019m trying to make life work, and you<\/em> aren\u2019t helping!\u201d Then I flung myself away from the sales desk and headed for the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHey,\u201d he called after me. \u201cYou didn\u2019t get your refund.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want<\/em> my refund!\u201d I sounded about two years old.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Outdoors, I melted against the car and sobbed. Another salesman hurried out to apologize. He ended by installing the right bulb in the right place while I sniffed and hiccupped behind him. Then I drove away in deep humiliation. I had never made a scene like that before and hope I never do again. I can\u2019t go back to that store.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s the good part: I don\u2019t have to. David and I crossed \u201cauto maintenance\u201d off my list. I now put gas in the car and take it to Jiffy Lube once a year to have them change the oil, but that\u2019s all. That\u2019s enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Depending on your person\u2019s situation, you\u2019re dealing with doctors, nurses, CNAs, physical therapists, occupational therapists, dietitians, CPAP providers, pharmacists, and people with other medical occupations you can\u2019t even pronounce. You come home from each appointment and try to do everything they told you. And let\u2019s not forget all the regular demands like cleaning, cooking, laundry, and grocery shopping, not to mention dealing with bills and insurance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Right. Let\u2019s not<\/em> mention that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe you also have young children. Or maybe you\u2019re among those who work an outside job, then come home and dive straight into caregiving. Or maybe you have young children and<\/em> a job. If so, I don\u2019t know how you do it. Because we can\u2019t do it all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each medical specialist seems to believe theirs is the only field, or at least the most essential. As she straps your person into the standing frame, the therapist says to you, \u201cLast week, I gave you a daily list of passive range exercises to do for her arms and legs. Morning and evening, one hour for each session. How\u2019d that go?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGreat,\u201d you say. \u201cI think it\u2019s helping.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou did the exercises every day?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFive days,\u201d you say. \u201c Well\u2014\u201d a burst of honesty \u201c\u2014 four and a half.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She slides you a long, cool look. \u201cOnly nine sessions? For the whole week?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Implied: You slacker<\/em>. And for that moment, you feel like a failure<\/a>. You\u2019re ashamed. You know the exercises are important for your person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But so is everything else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If science ever decides to clone people, they should start with caregivers. But until that happens, we\u2019ll just have to focus on the must-dos and call it good. The should-dos can go in a drawer, out of sight but available when priorities change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re thinking that\u2019s easy to say but hard to do, <\/em>you\u2019re in good company. We want<\/em> to do it all. But we can\u2019t. For me, the drawer visual helps. Tucking the should-dos into that drawer means I don\u2019t have to wade through them to get to the must-dos. If for some reason I pull one out and do something with it, that\u2019s a bonus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As for the sense of failure and shame <\/a>that wants to drag along behind us, we can roll that up with all the don\u2019 to-dos\u2014 tasks like auto maintenance\u2014and shove them under the bed. Not only does that get them out of sight, but we have a great excuse not to vacuum under there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
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\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
\n

Jill Brown<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

is on staff with The Navigators, where she provides part-time pastoral care for those serving in ministry. She has been the caregiver for her husband, David, who is also on staff with The Navigators, since his bicycling accident in 2009.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
More from Jill<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This article is an excerpt from the book, We\u2019re Stronger than We Look: Insights and Encouragement for the Caregiver\u2019s Journey. Jill and David Brown lived full and healthy lives until David took a violent fall off his bicycle and into … <\/p>\n

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