{"id":4231,"date":"2017-07-16T12:30:03","date_gmt":"2017-07-16T17:30:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thedisciplemaker.org\/?p=4231"},"modified":"2017-07-16T12:30:03","modified_gmt":"2017-07-16T17:30:03","slug":"the-art-of-dining-alone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.navpress.com\/sites\/thedisciplemaker\/2017\/07\/the-art-of-dining-alone\/","title":{"rendered":"The Art of Dining Alone"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

I never intended to be single again, but I found myself in that place for more than five years. It goes without saying that I would never have wanted any of that to happen. (Like, for real, not any of it.<\/em>) But, as it often goes with the worst things, now I have learned the deep value of that season. I wouldn\u2019t trade that time of quite quiet and alone for a whole lot of seasons of loud and crowd. I learned more than I\u2019ll probably ever be able to fit into a lifetime of writing. On the list of greatest lessons: how to enjoy my own self.<\/strong>
\nHave you ever taken yourself out for dinner? Just you, all on your own? There was a time when I never would have considered it, a time when seeing someone alone at a table just broke my heart with sympathy for their loneliness. But I think differently about it now. I now know that alone doesn\u2019t mean lonely, and the person I felt so sorry for may not have been lonely at all. I contend that there\u2019s an art to dining alone, that it can be a beautiful and life-giving adventure to believe yourself to be quite enough to occupy a booth for two. So even if you have a regular dinner partner, I invite you to learn this skill when you have the occasional opportunity. Here we go.
\nThe first thing to know about dining alone is this: It\u2019s all about you. So dress yourself right into a good mood<\/strong>, because you\u2019re actually taking yourself on a date. I\u2019m something of a podcast junkie, and one of my favorites is NPR\u2019s Invisibilia, a podcast about the invisible forces that control human behavior. In an episode called \u201cThe Secret Emotional Life of Clothes,\u201d Lulu Miller and Hanna Rosin explore how clothes can change us in quiet but surprising ways. Their research showed that our personalities shift when we feel confident in what we\u2019re wearing. Our clothes can even affect our intellect. Adam Galinsky, a professor at Columbia Business School, ran an experiment where he gave people a doctor\u2019s white coat to wear for a series of intellectual tests. He discovered that people actually tested measurably better when they wore the doctor\u2019s coat, simply because they felt smarter.\u00a0<\/em>It\u2019s proven and measurable that your confidence, personality, and perception of yourself can be directly tied to what you\u2019re wearing. So why not get dolled up for a night with yourself?
\nNext, choose a place you love to go with food you love to eat. When the host says, \u201cHow many in your party?\u201d be ready with your answer. I try not to say, \u201cJust one,\u201d because tonight isn\u2019t about feeling sorry for myself, and the word just gives the wrong impression, making it sound like I\u2019m lonely and sad. Let\u2019s be honest, if I\u2019m lonely and sad, then I won\u2019t need a host to seat me. The dinner by myself is going to look like ice cream in bed and You\u2019ve Got Mail on Netflix. Instead, I say, \u201cI\u2019m dining alone tonight, thank you.\u201d Or, \u201cA table for one, please.\u201d Those are proactive statements that put you in charge. It\u2019s your chance to say, \u201cI chose this night, this restaurant, and this time by myself. Please give me the best table that will suit such a quality time and experience.\u201d
\n

\"\"<\/a>
Keep reading with Tricia at NavPress.com<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nBring a companion of some kind. I bring authors in their books. But maybe you bring apps, Angry Birds, singer\/songwriters on Pandora, or your Facebook community on Words with Friends. I\u2019ve spent many a \u201cdinner alone\u201d with Oprah or Bren\u00e9 Brown simply by bringing their words along, and Michael Bubl\u00e9 has been known to sing to me through my earbuds. Much like at your dinner party, you get to choose who you\u2019re with\u2014even when you\u2019re all alone. And though you look like you\u2019re having dinner by yourself, only you know that you\u2019re in the presence of quite fascinating company.
\nNext, choose your very favorite item on the menu. And this part is very, very, very important: Order dessert. Always. This is a must. You\u2019re worth it, and life is too short to overthink the cheesecake. Settle in. Leave a good tip. If you don\u2019t have the luxury of spending very much money on yourself, then treat yourself to dinner at a frozen yogurt shop. Enjoy the space. Love yourself there. It\u2019s an art, this business of dining alone.
\nWhy is it important to get comfortable being by yourself?<\/strong> So that later, when someone comes along to fill the space beside you, you\u2019ll know for sure if you\u2019re choosing to be with someone out of love or loneliness. These are very different, and only the girl who knows herself can implicitly learn the difference. Sometimes you have to be alone in order to find out who you are without anybody telling you. Sometimes you have to be alone so you can learn the sound of your own voice.<\/p>\n
\n

\"\"You’ve been reading with Tricia Lott Williford from her book You Can Do This<\/em>. Keep reading or get the book here<\/a>. Join the confidence conversation on her website- tricialottwilliford.com.<\/a>
\n <\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I never intended to be single again, but I found myself in that place for more than five years. It goes without saying that I would never have wanted any of that to happen. (Like, for real, not any of … <\/p>\n

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