{"id":4978,"date":"2018-01-03T09:55:18","date_gmt":"2018-01-03T15:55:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thedisciplemaker.org\/?p=4978"},"modified":"2018-01-03T09:55:18","modified_gmt":"2018-01-03T15:55:18","slug":"spaghetti-and-clear-communication","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.navpress.com\/sites\/thedisciplemaker\/2018\/01\/spaghetti-and-clear-communication\/","title":{"rendered":"Spaghetti and Clear Communication"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

Communication, or lack thereof, can either make or break a marriage. Being a Christian does not exempt a person from being a poor communicator; we all must be diligent to communicate with our spouses in such a way that we\u2019re understanding each other more than fighting to be understood. We often fail to use clear and descriptive language when speaking to our spouses. Men and women are different, and the ways in which we think, speak, and act are different, which is why we need to use precise language. Being intentional with our words helps our spouses understand what we\u2019re saying.
\nClear communication plays a key role in creating oneness in marriage, particularly as you\u2019re developing your own family culture. You cannot develop your own family rhythm and traditions if you\u2019re always resorting back to what your family practiced when you were growing up. D.\u00a0A. and I now see how communication (or lack thereof) affected our struggle to find our identity of oneness during our early years of marriage.<\/p>\n

You’re reading with Elicia and D.A. Horton from their book Enter the Ring.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

One Sunday afternoon after church, we headed home to chill and unwind. I went into the kitchen to find something in the fridge to cook for lunch. As I opened the fridge, the light bulb went off\u2014I suddenly remembered that my mom had told me she was making a big pot of spaghetti after church and we were welcome to come over to eat and watch football. Cue the celebration music! I didn\u2019t have to cook, and Mom was making spaghetti! Her sauce is amazing\u2014it\u2019s worth canceling all plans just to partake in that heavenly goodness. So it was a no-brainer for me.
\nI rushed into the other room and told D.\u00a0A., \u201cMy mom is making spaghetti!\u201d He gave me a blank stare and nodded. \u201cThat\u2019s good,\u201d he said. Time stood still as I waited for a further response. I had been sure he would match my enthusiasm by marching right back upstairs, changing his church clothes, and putting on something a little more comfortable and stretchy. (In case you were wondering, Mom\u2019s spaghetti equals stretchy pants.)
\nHe then asked, \u201cSo what are you making for lunch?\u201d At that, a war started raging deep in my soul. I tried to muster the self-control to not show my disgust and spew out a sarcastic remark. I wanted to lovingly remind my sweet husband that I wasn\u2019t planning on making lunch and that it was a grand idea for us to make the trip to my parents\u2019 house for Sunday lunch. Instead, I opened my mouth and said, \u201cSeriously, are you kidding me?\u201d
\n\"\"
\nI stormed out of the kitchen, walked right upstairs, and plunged my face into a pillow, crying in frustration and despair.
\nIt wasn\u2019t until months later that we finally discussed what happened. My sweet husband hadn\u2019t realized that I was trying to clue him in to my desire to go to my parents\u2019 house for spaghetti. I indeed said that my mom was making spaghetti, and in his mind he heard a statement, not a question, which he acknowledged with \u201cThat\u2019s good.\u201d I never asked him if he wanted to go. I had assumed he would just pick up on my meaning, and when he didn\u2019t, I assumed wrong motives in his response.
\nCommunication is integral for oneness in marriage. As much as D. A. and I like to think that we\u2019ll eventually learn how to read each other\u2019s minds, it\u2019s not going to happen. Both of us need to put forth the effort to keep the lines of communication open.
\nHere\u2019s a simple principle to keep in mind: Assumptions lead to more assumptions, and communication leads to more communication.<\/strong> It\u2019s never healthy to assume that the person you are trying to communicate with understands your heart unless you have shared your heart. Assumptions about what someone does or doesn\u2019t understand simply creates assumptions about that person\u2019s response. The best way you can avoid the confusion that assumptions bring is to use clear and honest communication that invites your spouse to respond with open communication in return.
\n

\"\"<\/a>
Read chapter one for free.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nNow, there\u2019s a caveat to this: Sometimes you\u2019ll express what\u2019s on your heart, but your spouse isn\u2019t ready to handle it. Don\u2019t retreat. Don\u2019t close up shop. Keep the light on. Pray hard. And instead of always praying for God to change the other person, begin by praying that God will first change your heart. Transformation begins with you. You can\u2019t expect your spouse to miraculously be ready to listen to your heart, but God is always ready. Any lack of communication between your spouse and you should push you into deeper communication with our heavenly Father. As James 4:8 says, \u201cDraw near to God, and he will draw near to you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n

You’ve been reading with Elicia and D.A. Horton from their book Enter the Ring: Fighting Together for a Gospel-Saturated Marriage<\/em>. You can read a free excerpt of the intro and chapter one here.<\/a> D.A. and Elicia have been fighting for their marriage for over 15 years and are passionate about family discipleship. Get your copy of the book or learn more about D.A. and Elicia at entertheringbook.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Communication, or lack thereof, can either make or break a marriage. Being a Christian does not exempt a person from being a poor communicator; we all must be diligent to communicate with our spouses in such a way that we\u2019re … <\/p>\n

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