{"id":5165,"date":"2018-03-06T17:53:03","date_gmt":"2018-03-06T23:53:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thedisciplemaker.org\/?p=5165"},"modified":"2018-03-06T17:53:03","modified_gmt":"2018-03-06T23:53:03","slug":"the-3-hardest-words-to-say-in-the-english-language","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.navpress.com\/sites\/thedisciplemaker\/2018\/03\/the-3-hardest-words-to-say-in-the-english-language\/","title":{"rendered":"The 3 Hardest Words to Say in The English Language"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Learn to say these three words to yourself, to God, and then\u2014when you\u2019re really ready to take a radical step toward humility\u2014to someone else:
\n\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d
\nSteven Levitt and Stephan Dubner make a painful point in their book Think Like a Freak: \u201cIt has long been said that the three hardest words to say in the English language are I love you. We heartily disagree! For most people, it is much harder to say I don\u2019t know.\u201d[i]<\/a> They cited researchers who found that the vast majority of children would rather make up answers to unanswerable questions than admit they didn\u2019t know.
\nI\u2019m not sure we ever grow out of that. How often do we stumble through a casual conversation without admitting we really have no idea what people are talking about? Why is it so hard for me to admit I\u2019m completely clueless about that movie or book or current event? If we are not very good in those low-stakes moments, what happens when the stakes are much, much higher? Less-than-humble people almost never say those words. Why? Because prideful people are never without the answer<\/strong>; the political stance; the doctrine; the way you should mow your grass, work out, or carve the turkey. You name it, they will have (and usually share) an opinion about what you are saying, doing, or writing. They are also rarely teachable. How can they be taught? They don\u2019t know what they don\u2019t know.
\nNotice I keep saying \u201cthey\u201d as though I\u2019m referring to some other saps who aren\u2019t in the room. Surely it isn\u2019t one of us.
\nBut it is each of us, and it has surely been me.
\nWhile there is still much to do in healing my prideful thoughts, I\u2019m trying to implement this one simple discipline: to admit what I don\u2019t know more often.<\/strong> It\u2019s quite a jolt to the system. A caution here: It\u2019s easier to admit your ignorance about things you don\u2019t care about. (\u201cI really don\u2019t know what the capital of Kerplakistan is.\u201d) The moment of truth is when we admit our ignorance about something that does matter. But this is how we learn. This is what it means to be teachable. This is part of being humble.<\/p>\n

Ask More Questions<\/h3>\n

A natural companion to the first is this second seemingly simple step. You will hear this suggested throughout the book, and it sounds so basic that you\u2019ll be tempted to skip it. And yes, like all that we\u2019re discussing, it will be so easy to do this from a place of false humility and posturing. Do a heart check on this one<\/strong>. Don\u2019t go through the motions. Do take the first conscious step of cultivating a curiosity. Don\u2019t fake an interest in someone.
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\nWhatever the average number of questions you ask in a conversation, up it by a question or two. You\u2019ll actually find yourself become a better listener. Michael P. Nichols, in his book The Lost Art of Listening, suggests that \u201cthe good listener isn\u2019t a passive receptor but an active, open one, attuned and inquiring.\u201d[ii]<\/a> It\u2019s a beautiful thing to cultivate a genuine curiosity in others. As creatures made in the image of God, the people before you today hold great treasures of story, experience, and wisdom. From them you will learn many things. You will also be inspired and intrigued. It\u2019s quite possible that you\u2019ll eventually discover something of someone\u2019s story that intersects quite nicely with your own. But you\u2019ll never know if you don\u2019t ask. I have simply lost count of how many times I have walked away amazed at a conversation with someone I barely knew or had assumed I knew. But very rarely did that happen without intentional, genuine questions.
\nThis is not about giving someone the third degree. It\u2019s unreasonable and more than a little weird to immediately dive into the deeper waters. \u201cSo why don\u2019t you tell me about your biggest moments of hurt while we stand here at this party together?\u201d The goal is not to pull things out of someone who is either not ready or willing. Neither is this about manipulating the conversation so someone thinks he or she is being heard, when all you\u2019re really doing is waiting for that individual to return the favor and ask you about your much more interesting life. (Isn\u2019t it amazing how quickly we can twist a simple act of kindness into something self-focused?) This is about you learning to be genuinely interested in the life of someone else.<\/strong>
\nIt is here that eyes light up and the pace of a conversation gathers speed. The principal goal is not merely to have a great conversation (though there\u2019s nothing wrong with that). To ask more genuine questions opens the door to your thought life. Somewhere along the way, you begin to realize that this person has more texture, more depth, more dimension\u2014more story.
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\nWhen it\u2019s your turn (if you get a turn), do not withhold your story. That would be selfish, not selfless. It is your turn to give a little. And when a moment, a comment, comes back your way, don\u2019t deflect that glory. Putting yourself down does not raise up the other.<\/strong> When someone delights in you, stop. Just stop. Sense the pleasure of God in you. Then give him the glory he\u2019s due. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
\nHumility is not self-loathing.\u00a0 Be willing to bask in the moment when truth is being spoken about your abilities. Is this not what must occur in greater effect within the Trinity? The gloriously perfect and powerful beings who will not deny the truth of who they are, while confidently choosing to serve and celebrate each other? We rarely see this combination of power and deference, of confidence and humility, but this is the standard.
\nThus our call is not to water down our own ambitions lest we get a big head. Scripture does not tell us to aim low in this life<\/strong>. The push is against selfish ambition. Such an attitude will leave hurt and conflict in its wake every time. But ambition connected to what God is doing in this world is completely different. Such ambition is not panicked or insecure, because we are part of the bigger story happening in God\u2019s universe. Instead, it\u2019s settled and confident, even relaxed. If it\u2019s not all about me, then it\u2019s not all up to me.
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Click the book to read chapter one for free.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nTo be humble means, in part, that I will not forget that God has graciously called me to something\u2014but I cannot forget he has also called you. As we ask one another questions, our stories are told and heard. It is here that we will find at least one thing to celebrate together: the ongoing work of God in our lives and our world. But it is more than a moment of honest delight (though this world is starved enough of real delight). Our stories told and heard lay the foundation for Kingdom endeavors. Now we can dream better. We\u2019ll spend less energy posturing and instead risk involvement with one another.<\/strong> As we openly and honestly admit our dependence on God, our hearts begin to forge a kind of courage. This leads to that selfless delight in the other.
\nAnd that delight leads to worship: \u201cGod, I see you doing a little something in my adult child\u2019s life. In my friend\u2019s life. In the life of someone I don\u2019t even know or necessarily like that much. Something good is happening at that other church or in that ministry. I\u2019m going to celebrate that because it\u2019s you.\u201d You have to choose this way of thinking, but when you do, God meets you there.<\/strong> As always, his Spirit breathes life into that obedience. And somehow, as you take that first step, your heart comingles with the very heart of God. This is what it means to champion and celebrate another. This is the humble love of our triune God.<\/a><\/p>\n
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\nYou’ve been reading from Pastor Greg Holder’s The Genius of One: God’s Answer for our Fractured World<\/em>.
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