{"id":6314,"date":"2019-02-08T12:52:19","date_gmt":"2019-02-08T18:52:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thedisciplemaker.org\/?p=6314"},"modified":"2022-03-01T19:41:15","modified_gmt":"2022-03-01T19:41:15","slug":"finding-gods-presence-in-our-panic-and-pain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.navpress.com\/sites\/thedisciplemaker\/2019\/02\/finding-gods-presence-in-our-panic-and-pain\/","title":{"rendered":"Finding God\u2019s Presence in Our Panic and Pain"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

When I was a junior-high ministry pastor, winter camp was a staple of our calendar year. Each Saturday night of camp, as we prepared to say good-byes, the students would sob. I mean, they\u2019d bawl their precious little tween eyes out.
\nI confess that I didn\u2019t have a lot of patience for this. To me, the kids appeared to have been emotionally manipulated, or were just overtired from all of the camp\u2019s activities. They couldn\u2019t possibly be expressing sincere sadness.
\nLooking back now, I wonder if, in their messy adolescent way\u2014without shame or cynicism\u2014this was an early form of lament. At camp, these students experienced beauty, hope, healing, community, love, fun, worship, and the wonder of God. They felt the Spirit, the presence of God<\/a> with them. Perhaps they were truly, authentically lamenting the loss. Whenever we experience a sense of God\u2019s presence, that experience powerfully strengthens, reassures, comforts, and heals us.
\nWhen Jesus\u2019 presence seems absent in the midst of my panic and pain<\/a>, I find that canned spiritual answers and my usual spiritual disciplines, things which once helped me feel connected to him, no longer work. I strain to connect with God, attempt to worship him, try to feel him, but it doesn\u2019t work. So I decide to meet with a spiritual director from my graduate-school program. The Christian life is meant to be lived in community, not privately. I can\u2019t do this on my own.
\n\"\"
\n\u201cWhat did Jesus do on the cross?\u201d she asks me. \u201cAnd don\u2019t get super theological here,\u201d she adds. \u201cI am not looking for the \u2018right\u2019 answer.\u201d
\nI think for a moment. Jesus thirsted. He lamented. He talked to his neighbor. He prayed.
\n\u201cHe embraced his limitedness,\u201d my wise spiritual director adds. \u201cHe lamented that he didn\u2019t feel God\u2019s presence and couldn\u2019t do anything about it. In our own suffering, we don\u2019t have to do much more than that. Part of the reason you\u2019re panicking is because you\u2019re trying too hard to control the outcome of lament. You\u2019re trying to be limitless. Just let go. Just let him save you.\u201d
\nAt another meeting, after I tell her that I still can\u2019t feel God\u2019s presence, she asks me this: \u201cWhen, in the past, have you felt God\u2019s presence?\u201d
\nFor a moment, my old friend Panic creeps in. Have I ever felt God\u2019s presence? Am I even a Christian? Is God even real?
\nShe senses my anxiety.
\n\u201cDon\u2019t worry,\u201d she says softly. \u201cLet\u2019s be silent a moment and ask God\u2019s Spirit to meet us here in this question.\u201d
\nIn the silence, I think of just a few of the many times I\u2019ve felt God\u2019s presence over the years: when I was baptized at age eleven; the first time I prayed with someone who wanted to follow Jesus; when, stuck in the darkness of shame from my past, God led me down a healing journey; while learning overseas and in graduate school; when my children were born; on my wedding day; even just sitting outside, feeling a gentle breeze, hearing a birdsong, seeing a butterfly\u2014all of which have felt like God\u2019s kind presence.
\nI can\u2019t put my finger on why or how, but in those moments, I knew God was with me. Sometimes it was discovering just the right Bible verse to calm my fears. Other times, I experienced great joy. Still, at other moments, his presence came in the form of conviction for sin and the freedom of repentance, or a sense that nothing else mattered but Jesus and his power and glory, or an image of God\u2019s love.
\n\"\"
\n\u201cYou\u2019d be surprised at how different everyone\u2019s experience of God\u2019s presence is,\u201d she says. \u201cBut the thread I see through them all, the common theme, is this: grace. Anytime we experience God\u2019s presence, it\u2019s never because we did anything. It\u2019s because God\u2019s grace opens up the veil.\u201d
\nTears are burning down my cheeks because I know she\u2019s right.
\nI\u2019ve tried so hard to say the right things. I\u2019ve driven myself crazy trying to impose my will on God\u2019s. I\u2019ve ricocheted back and forth between panic and don\u2019t panic. I\u2019ve tried my best to force God to obey me\u2014to heal my sickness, to bring back loved ones who are gone, to heal my sick son, to help me travel back in time so that none of those things ever began. But in so doing, I\u2019ve put myself in the place of God.
\nI\u2019ve adopted a sinful attitude of \u201cI need to forgive God for betraying me.\u201d I realized I felt like God had disappointed me. But, really, I\u2019ve not trusted him. I\u2019ve refused to rest in him.
\nMy repentant lament, at long last, begins. I\u2019m so sorry, God. Please forgive me. I want to turn away from my selfishness and return to worshiping and placing my faith in you. <\/em>
\nGod\u2019s presence is not anything we achieve through sheer willpower and determination. We can\u2019t force his hand. We must attend to and be open to God\u2019s presence, certainly. If we ignore him, or refuse to open ourselves, our schedules, our seasons, our whole hearts to God, we\u2019ll miss out on the benefits, treasures, and spiritual blessings granted to us in Jesus. But here\u2019s the point: God\u2019s grace greets and transforms us, whether or not we deserve it. And it\u2019s in believing that, in choosing to trust even when it feels like we have no reason to, that we take a powerful step forward in our lament.<\/p>\n

\n

You’ve been reading with Aubrey Sampson from The Louder Song: Listening for Hope in the Midst of Lament<\/em>. Learn more about Aubrey and the book at loudersong.com<\/a>. You can also read a free chapter or get the book here.<\/a>
\n\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I was a junior-high ministry pastor, winter camp was a staple of our calendar year. Each Saturday night of camp, as we prepared to say good-byes, the students would sob. I mean, they\u2019d bawl their precious little tween eyes … <\/p>\n

Read moreFinding God\u2019s Presence in Our Panic and Pain<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":6317,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_caption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_nocaption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_hide":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[56,234,246,312,380,515],"yoast_head":"\nFinding God\u2019s Presence in Our Panic and Pain - The Disciplemaker<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.navpress.com\/sites\/thedisciplemaker\/2019\/02\/finding-gods-presence-in-our-panic-and-pain\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Finding God\u2019s Presence in Our Panic and Pain - The Disciplemaker\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When I was a junior-high ministry pastor, winter camp was a staple of our calendar year. 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