{"id":6384,"date":"2019-03-05T10:25:20","date_gmt":"2019-03-05T16:25:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thedisciplemaker.org\/?p=6384"},"modified":"2019-03-05T10:25:20","modified_gmt":"2019-03-05T16:25:20","slug":"a-strongly-worded-letter-to-my-20-year-old-self","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.navpress.com\/sites\/thedisciplemaker\/2019\/03\/a-strongly-worded-letter-to-my-20-year-old-self\/","title":{"rendered":"A Strongly Worded Letter to my 20 Year Old Self"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\nIn a shocking turn of events, I turned forty yesterday. And when a writer turns forty, he has an obligation to do one of those \u201cletters to my younger self\u201d articles. Those letters, however, are usually kind and gentle. My younger self needs a stern talking to. So here is my \u201cstrongly worded letter\u201d to my twenty year old self.<\/em>
\nJason,<\/strong>
\nI\u2019ve got three things to say, and you will listen. I don\u2019t know whether it will change anything. We haven\u2019t established the rules of time travel in this particular fiction, but I\u2019m going to try, and it\u2019s going to sting. Let it sting. Invite the sting. The sting is your friend.
\n#1. Your dreams are over-rated. Stop believing in them.<\/strong>
\nNo, I\u2019m serious. You think you know what you\u2019re about right now, but you don\u2019t. You have created a version of yourself who you plan to parade into courtrooms and, eventually, political races. You picture him gliding before the jury, evidence in hand and soliloquies on his tongue. His words are irresistible, his logic irrefutable. He is gong to do all of the big, noble things. He will change the world. There is only one problem: that man doesn\u2019t exist. You made him up.
\nI\u2019m not saying your dreams don\u2019t matter; just that they\u2019re not really yours. You borrowed them. You saw other people living them out (mostly on television), and you mistook them as your own. But I assure you, you were not built for such visions. You would be a terrible lawyer, and a worse politician.
\nListen:\u00a0everyone will tell you to follow your dreams and let your heart guide you, but that\u2019s nonsense. Your heart will constantly deceive you, and your dreams will change. Let them change<\/em>. Some things seem so urgent now, and you\u2019ll soon forget all about them. That\u2019s okay. You\u2019ll have new dreams as you get older. Better ones, I dare say. Because your heart itself will grow. Let that happen. Trust that process. Don\u2019t take yourself so seriously.
\n(A quick aside here about your political obsession: It\u2019s stupid. Politics takes up far too much real estate in your mind. It makes you anxious, and it keeps you from trusting people. You get one vote ever two years. That\u2019s it. So stop pretending your rants carry so much weight and wisdom. They don\u2019t. Invest your energies in learning to love your neighbor. You\u2019re not going to gain any wisdom until you start listening to people anyway.)<\/em>
\n#2. Beauty will save you<\/strong>
\nAh, you hate this one, I know. You hate it because you\u2019re so self-sufficient and assured, and this sounds like it belongs in the domain of artsy feelers. But hear me: you\u2019re going to take some lumps soon, and those lumps are going to change you. They\u2019re going to disorient you. You\u2019re going to hurt like hell, and you\u2019re going to want to dodge it all.
\nDon\u2019t dodge it. Invite the pain. Invite the softening. Don\u2019t fight it. Embrace it.
\nOver time, you\u2019ll learn to tear up in books and in movies. That\u2019s okay. That\u2019s just you becoming a real live boy. When Mr. Fredrickson sees his wife\u2019s additions to the adventure book, let the tears come. When Shasta finds the mountain pass and meets the lion, don\u2019t fight it. When Lee says, \u201ctimshel,\u201d choose to feel the weight of his words. When Orual presents her real book of accusations against the gods, pull that scene deep into your heart. Art will nourish you if you will let it. Beauty will preserve your soul. It will bring empathy\u2013a deep softening that will benefit you and those you love. And if you need any motivation here, which I know you do, consider this: you will never be able to write anything good until you learn to cry.
\n#3. You need other people more than you can possibly imagine<\/strong>
\nYou know that girl you\u2019re about to marry? You don\u2019t deserve her. The narrative of your life together will take shocking turns. You\u2019ll have your beautiful children, but things will be different. So much different than what you planned. You will ache together. You will take turns being strong for each other. But she will take the longer turn. She will carry you, and you need to be grateful.
\n\"\"Seventeen years from now, something small will happen. You\u2019re going to develop a nickel allergy, making you allergic to your wedding ring. So you\u2019ll go without one for a few years. Then, out of the blue, a man will hear you preach, and he\u2019ll offer to make you a new one that you can actually wear. But instead of gold, he\u2019ll inlay it with redwood.
\nThere\u2019s this thing about redwood trees you will know by then: despite their immensity, their roots are shallow. Very shallow. And yet they stand and grow tall even through pounding rains and heavy winds. How do they do it? They grow in crude circles and tie their roots together. Beneath the ground, they become intertwined and inseparable.
\nYour new ring, then, will tell the story of your marriage. Your family. Your life. It\u2019s a simple story: the winds came, but you did not fall. Despite your weakness, you stayed standing because she was next to you, holding on for dear life. Others held you up, too. Your daughters, your friends, your community. They are all strangers now, but they will be family someday. Tall, tall trees.
\nSo stop believing in yourself. You\u2019re not strong enough to warrant that kind of trust. The math doesn\u2019t work out. You need other people. Embrace that fact. The sooner you come to terms with your own smallness and your tendency to selfishness, the sooner you can take your place in the broken circles of linking souls.
\nPlease, don\u2019t misunderstand me. You\u2019ll have a wonderful marriage. You\u2019ll have amazing children, a nice home, dear friends, and a great job. You\u2019ll even write books like you hoped you would. You\u2019ll discover meaning in blessing others.
\nI\u2019m not saying life won\u2019t be good; I\u2019m saying you won\u2019t be in control of any of it. So decide ahead of time to let go. Don\u2019t wait. Learn to trust God. Learn what it feels like to have other people\u2019s arms holding yours high. Then, when you turn forty and you discover how much growing up you still have to do, you can face it all with the confidence of one who knows he\u2019s not alone.<\/p>\n

\n

This guest post was by author Jason Hague. Read more of his great writing at www.jasonhague.com<\/a> or read chapter one of his book Aching Joy: Following God Through the Land of Unanswered Prayer.<\/a>
\n\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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[maxbutton id=”26″] In a shocking turn of events, I turned forty yesterday. And when a writer turns forty, he has an obligation to do one of those \u201cletters to my younger self\u201d articles. Those letters, however, are usually kind and … <\/p>\n

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