{"id":6901,"date":"2019-07-08T10:47:36","date_gmt":"2019-07-08T15:47:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thedisciplemaker.org\/?p=6901"},"modified":"2025-04-08T14:53:54","modified_gmt":"2025-04-08T19:53:54","slug":"how-to-love-someone-who-has-been-changed-altered-diagnosed-victimized-or-traumatized","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.navpress.com\/sites\/thedisciplemaker\/2019\/07\/how-to-love-someone-who-has-been-changed-altered-diagnosed-victimized-or-traumatized\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Love Someone Who Has been Changed, Altered, Diagnosed, Victimized, or Traumatized"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

With all change comes loss<\/h2>\n

Loss of time.
\nLoss of control.
\nLoss of power.
\nLoss of options.
\nLoss of consistency.
\nLoss of relationship.<\/p>\n

Change is rarely the problem. It\u2019s the loss that comes with change that most of us don\u2019t like.<\/strong> My parents have said that loving me through the season of losing my husband, Robb, as a young wife and mother of two was probably akin to loving someone who had experienced a traumatic brain injury. On the outside, I looked the same. But I processed my thoughts, my days, and my world entirely differently. It felt different to everybody. My healing was slow, and the strides were subtle.<\/p>\n

About a year into this new normal, my mom confided in a friend of hers, \u201cI keep waiting to see signs of who she was. I\u2019m afraid I might never get my girl back.\u201d<\/p>\n

In pure honesty and compassion, this wise mentor told her gently, \u201cTruthfully, you might not. This may be who she is now.\u201d My mom recalls that moment as one of the hardest in the journey of our family. There\u2019s a long list of things that time and therapy can heal, but some changes come to stay.<\/p>\n

My brother is like sunshine in my life. He is reliable, steady, and perpetually present. And if I look very hard into the kaleidoscope of what he means to me, it feels like I\u2019m burning a hole into my soul. It\u2019s too hot to touch. I adore him, and his eloquent perspective on loss and change was so valuable. Rob said, \u201cI spent years getting used to my sister\u2019s new normal. She changed so much, and we all had to learn her quiet, reserved, introverted side. I learned how to be with her, how to talk to her, the patterns of what we talk about and what we don\u2019t talk about, what makes her laugh, and what will never be funny. It sort of felt like somebody turned the family system upside down. It felt like I walked back into a room I had memorized, but now the furniture was all moved around and I didn\u2019t know where I was supposed to sit. I felt like, Just give me a minute. I know the couch is here somewhere, and I\u2019ll find it. Nothing is where I left it. It\u2019s all new and different. Somebody shook the house like a salt shaker, and everything landed in different places. I didn\u2019t know it would look nice this way, but it really does. I\u2019m getting used to it. I just can\u2019t find my shoes. I\u2019m waiting to see where we\u2019ll all sit in this new living room.\u201d<\/p>\n

Maybe you love someone who has been changed, altered, diagnosed, victimized, or traumatized. And maybe the wait you\u2019re in has a lot to do with being patient for them to come home, come back to you, come back to themselves. If that\u2019s where you are, your journey may feel even more hopeless and out of control. It\u2019s hard enough to control our own outcomes, but it\u2019s painfully worse to be patient for someone else\u2019s.<\/p>\n

Jesus Doesn’t Rush Our Sorrow<\/h2>\n

If you cannot understand what God is doing, either in your life or in the life of someone you love so much that you feel their pain like your own, trust that he is for us. You don\u2019t have to believe this; he won\u2019t make you. But it makes the dark nights more than a little easier if you can believe that somebody else is watching, listening, and in charge. He is on our side. He is patient. Jesus doesn\u2019t rush our sorrow. He will lead you through\u2014not around\u2014the valley of this shadow of death.<\/p>\n

Please, for the sake of all the hurting hearts, be brave enough to walk in the dark.<\/strong><\/p>\n

For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone.
\n— Lamentations 3:31-33, NIV<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

He will never leave you.
\n–John 14:16, TPT<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy . . . Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.
\n— John 16:20, 22, NIV<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

However long the night, the dawn will break. – African proverb<\/p>\n

\n

\"\"You’ve been reading with Tricia Lott Williford from her book Just. You. Wait<\/em>. Read the first chapter for free here.<\/a> Get your copy of Just. You. Wait.<\/em> at Navpress.com<\/a>.<\/strong> Tricia also wrote You Can Do This: Seizing the Confidence God Offer<\/em>s. Check it out here.\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

With all change comes loss Loss of time. Loss of control. Loss of power. Loss of options. Loss of consistency. Loss of relationship. Change is rarely the problem. It\u2019s the loss that comes with change that most of us don\u2019t … <\/p>\n

Read moreHow to Love Someone Who Has been Changed, Altered, Diagnosed, Victimized, or Traumatized<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":6902,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_caption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_nocaption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_hide":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[303,533],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Love Someone Who Has been Changed, Altered, Diagnosed, Victimized, or Traumatized - The Disciplemaker<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.navpress.com\/sites\/thedisciplemaker\/2019\/07\/how-to-love-someone-who-has-been-changed-altered-diagnosed-victimized-or-traumatized\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Love Someone Who Has been Changed, Altered, Diagnosed, Victimized, or Traumatized - The Disciplemaker\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"With all change comes loss Loss of time. Loss of control. Loss of power. Loss of options. Loss of consistency. Loss of relationship. Change is rarely the problem. It\u2019s the loss that comes with change that most of us don\u2019t ... 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