{"id":7722,"date":"2020-03-25T16:28:27","date_gmt":"2020-03-25T21:28:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thedisciplemaker.org\/?p=7722"},"modified":"2020-03-25T16:28:27","modified_gmt":"2020-03-25T21:28:27","slug":"coronavirus-porn-and-anxiety-when-three-pandemics-converge","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.navpress.com\/sites\/thedisciplemaker\/2020\/03\/coronavirus-porn-and-anxiety-when-three-pandemics-converge\/","title":{"rendered":"Coronavirus, Porn, and Anxiety: When Three Pandemics Converge"},"content":{"rendered":"
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This post originally appeared on the author’s blog at Jay-Stringer.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n

Times of uncertainty like the one we\u2019re in naturally intensify anxiety and powerlessness, and with it, the spread of pornography use. We turn to behaviors that provide relief from the difficulties we face, but as we all know, many of the solutions we find only end up intensifying our original distress.<\/p>\n\n\n

What\u2019s unfolding today is the confluence of three pandemics: COVID-19, pornography, and anxiety. One country that is experiencing this toxic convergence of three pandemics is Italy. The Italian government has taken extensive measures to quarantine the entire country to prevent hospitals from being further overwhelmed. In response, one of the most popular porn sites in the world offered everyone in Italy free premium porn subscriptions throughout the month of March.<\/p>\n\n\n

When Italian Pornhub users opened the website, they saw this message:<\/p>\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n

Yes, to \u201chelp keep you company<\/a><\/strong>\u201d during a health pandemic, a country is invited to escape an anxiety pandemic by turning to a porn pandemic. While it\u2019s concerning that a company would promote using human beings for sexual gain, they do so because porn offers two experiences we haven\u2019t been able to find in the coronavirus pandemic: relief and power. The relief and power porn offers however is not only temporary, it\u2019s deeply problematic for two reasons:<\/p>\n\n\n

  1. Porn damages sex and mental health<\/li>
  2. Porn is a violation against women.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n

    Porn Damages Sex and Mental Health<\/h2>\n\n\n

    One of the clients I spoke to this week said he felt more triggered<\/a><\/strong> to use porn now than in the last two years combined. \u201cI\u2019m not sleeping well and my mind starts racing by 5AM. We\u2019re in a recession, but should we really be talking about a depression? And if that\u2019s not enough, my dad has the flu and can\u2019t get tested. My mind just can\u2019t rest.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

    As you can see with my client, when we\u2019re anxious, our brains naturally seek out behaviors that provide us with an opportunity to find relief. What we actually need however is to develop an inner life capable of tolerating anxiety. Instead, porn offers us a shortcut to experience temporary calm and control. As a consequence of outsourcing a solution, we never develop the internal resources for growth.<\/p>\n\n\n

    When you pursue porn as a shortcut to reduce anxiety, your brain forms new neuropathways to connect what you\u2019re doing to the pleasure you\u2019re feeling.[i] A map of these experiences is formed in your brain, complete with powerful neurotransmitters like dopamine. These neurotransmitters change our brain by essentially saying, \u201cRemember this! This feels amazing. Way easier than anything else.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

    Porn = Less Sex<\/h3>\n\n\n

    The more you use porn, the more it adversely effects your sexual life. Research has actually shown that the best way to have less sex and less satisfying sex is to watch porn. [ii] Porn simultaneously overloads you with sexual stimulation while also teaching you to only consider your own sexual desires. Porn is so appealing not merely because it\u2019s \u2018erotic\u2019 or \u2018erotica\u2019, but also because it lets you create a world where nothing is required of you. Real sex asks you to know and develop your desires while also learning to study, delight, and call forth the desires of another. Therefore, if you want to limit your sexual potential, porn is the fastest route to do so.<\/p>\n\n\n

    Porn = Less Purpose<\/h3>\n\n\n

    In the research I completed for my book Unwanted<\/em><\/a><\/strong>, I found that when a person lacked a clear sense of purpose, they were 7x more likely to increase the amount of porn they watched. It\u2019s crucial to understand that a lack of purpose drives us to porn. Many people attempt to stop using porn but do little to transform what drives them to it.<\/p>\n\n\n

    If it were not for pornography, how else would you address your fear of the economy crashing? If not for porn, how else would you address the conflict you\u2019re facing as you spend more time with your spouse? Porn invites you to escape the crucibles of your life. But when you take its bait, you find yourself hooked into an even greater experience of futility.<\/p>\n\n\n

    This is the madness of porn use. The very thing we choose to assuage personal and relational problems ends up intensifying them. At this juncture, many people try to fight against their desire for porn through contempt or self-mastery. The problem is that this fight does nothing to transform the key drivers that bring you to porn. Therefore, if you want to fight, don\u2019t fight do eliminate porn, fight to create daily rhythms to find calm and greater purpose (more on that at the end of this article). When you have integrity with your anxiety, your clarity and confidence will grow in your capacity to face the uncertainty ahead.<\/p>\n\n\n

    Porn is a Form of Male Violation Against Women<\/h2>\n\n\n

    In times of crisis, we\u2019re acutely aware of our need for relief, but I fear we\u2019re not always aware of the damage we cause towards others in the process. One of the primary problems with porn is that one person\u2019s relief is another person\u2019s exploitation. The fantasy world created in porn requires a woman (or another human being) to be reduced to an object or commodity. In porn, a woman\u2019s body is used to absorb the anxiety and anger men will not suffer.<\/p>\n\n\n

    Porn = Violence to women<\/h3>\n\n\n

    Porn is always moving to greater levels of violation and degradation. This is why many men will see an escalation from their first porn exposure to what now arouses them. In the beginning, a swimsuit catalogue may have been enough, but now hardcore imagery is needed in order to achieve the same effect. Pornographers know that we start with a sacred longing for beauty, but that soon gets hijacked by our demand to control beauty, followed by the eventual desire to see beauty itself be degraded beneath us.<\/p>\n\n\n

    Porn draws men in to experience the warmth of sex and the fire of desire, but once we\u2019ve witnessed the life-giving power of women, we\u2019re confronted with a two-choice dilemma: live in awe before them or violate them. Researchers analyzed the content of over 300 popular pornography videos and found that men mostly prefer to violate this beauty as 88.2% of the scenes contained aggressive acts.[iii]<\/p>\n\n\n

    Personal healing helps stop the demand for exploitation<\/h3>\n\n\n

    We can all agree that we\u2019re entering a historic time of uncertainty. As we do our part to mitigate the suffering of others through social distancing and quarantine measures, let\u2019s not forget our digital ethics as well. Even more heartbreaking than facing financial stress would be to become increasingly calloused to the impact our demand for porn has on the bodies and stories of the human beings marketed for sexual consumption. If we\u2019re going to counter a global health pandemic and a porn pandemic, we\u2019ll all need to do our part to protect others and learn generative practices of self-soothing. Learning to find calm in the face of adversity is not only an investment in our mental health, it also helps lessen the burden we place on others.<\/p>\n\n\n

    6 Things You Can Do Right Now:<\/h2>\n\n\n
    1. Recognize that the specifics of your porn search reveal something about what you are attempting to reverse or repeat in your life. Watch this preview episode<\/a><\/strong> to learn more.<\/li>
    2. Watch this short video<\/a> <\/strong>from Dan Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine. Siegel offers a simple and eloquent phrase for people who find themselves in distress: \u201cname it to tame it.\u201d When we identify and name our concerns, our emotional life is soothed.<\/li>
    3. Download an app like Headspace<\/a><\/strong> to learn how to pay attention to the \u2018traffic\u2019 going on inside your mind. It will help you practice new ways of finding calm as the anxiety intensifies both within and outside of you.<\/li>
    4. Stop and think about how porn influences you to feel afterwards. Consider if you really want to intensify your futility, shame, and loneliness.<\/li>
    5. Pursue activities that engage the senses. Cooking a new recipe, playing an instrument, or writing a haiku will all allow you to experience far more life-giving experiences of pleasure and power.<\/li>
    6. Talk to a trusted guide (therapist or mentor) or an ally about some of the anxiety you\u2019re harboring. Many therapists are now offering sessions online. Go to psychologytoday.com<\/a><\/strong> to see therapists in your area who can work with your insurance (if you have it).<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n

      Additional Opportunities for Longer Term Support<\/h2>\n\n\n