{"id":8649,"date":"2020-07-23T02:38:15","date_gmt":"2020-07-23T07:38:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thedisciplemaker.org\/?p=8649"},"modified":"2020-07-23T02:38:15","modified_gmt":"2020-07-23T07:38:15","slug":"be-the-change-in-the-conversation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.navpress.com\/sites\/thedisciplemaker\/2020\/07\/be-the-change-in-the-conversation\/","title":{"rendered":"Be the Change in the Conversation"},"content":{"rendered":"
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It was an ordinary Friday night after small group<\/a> at church. Everyone sprawled across the tables at Starbucks with their Frappuccinos and cold-brew lattes. Then one of the men in our group, Jake, tripped a political land mine:<\/p>\n\n\n

Enter the Difficult Conversation<\/h2>\n\n\n

\u201cI just don\u2019t understand how you can be a Christian and not support our president. I mean this wall he wants to build is to protect us. How can anyone be against that? And the Democrats are idiots for delaying the process\u2014causing a government shutdown.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

Jake seemed to be looking for a debate. I wondered if maybe he was hoping for a real dialogue\u2014wanting to be seen, to be heard, to feel a sense of belonging. I knew he\u2019d never admit it.<\/p>\n\n\n

\u201cWell, the Bible doesn\u2019t share your perspective,\u201d Haley, another participant in our small group, quickly offered. \u201cJesus has always been welcoming to immigrants and outcasts. I don\u2019t see how you can be a Christian and be for a wall that keeps people out.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

Jake met Haley\u2019s jab with one of his own, \u201cThat\u2019s incredibly naive, Haley. Do you know the statistics about the destructive behaviors coming through the border and how they affect us\u2014our crime rates, taxes, and illegal-drug issues? This isn\u2019t even about being \u2018Christian.\u2019 Try thinking and being intelligent instead of just spouting the latest nonsense from NPR.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

Haley was stunned a little by the personal attack, but she couldn\u2019t stop. She\u2019s like the rest of us. Over 75 percent of social-media interaction is generated by well-meaning people who take their passionate opinions into relationally violent conversations.<\/p>\n\n\n

\u201cJake, I care that families are separated. I care that Evangelical Christians are failing their call to love and to be healers and compassionate caregivers to the poor and invisible. It is too bad marginalized people don\u2019t benefit from your passion. That offends me!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

Some in our small group nodded. Others, like me, remained frozen, looking into their coffee cups. Most wandered into different conversations. Jake walked out.<\/p>\n\n\n

Our time has been called the \u2018age of loneliness.’<\/h2>\n\n\n

It\u2019s estimated that one in five Americans suffers from persistent loneliness.\u201d Our stories of being created by Love and for love are lost in translation in our unhealthy relational patterns with one another. As Diane Kalen-Sukra notes, \u201cIncivility is the social equivalent of CO2 and leads to a sort of cultural climate change that is very difficult to reverse. Anger, confusion, and a willingness to engage in bullying to get one\u2019s way; these are all results of the current hot house climate we find ourselves in.\u201d How can we change the climate\u2014or the story\u2014so we are connected to the deeper story of love the Grand Storyteller of our lives wants us to tell?<\/p>\n\n\n

I thought about the conversation I heard after small group in Starbucks and easily identified Jake as someone who needs to change. He needs to get in touch with why he tripped a land mine to begin with and why he couldn\u2019t hang in there to see a resolution in the conversation. I decided (without asking him) that he probably has unresolved trauma and needs to see a good therapist to learn about emotional intelligence.<\/p>\n\n\n

I also thought it would be good for Haley to change. She talked about compassion and care but did not demonstrate it when she lashed out at Jake. I quickly decided (without talking to her) that Haley is probably part of the self-righteous in the church who offend so many and keep those Millennials and members of Generation Z from identifying with a church. She needs to repent and spend some of her healing grace on Jake.<\/p>\n\n\n

But during my reflections on the horrible conversation after small group, I started to feel the tremors of an earthquake.<\/p>\n\n\n

Why didn\u2019t I say something to turn the conversation?<\/p>\n\n\n

Why didn\u2019t I ask Jake why this topic was important to him? Where was my compassionate insight or empathetic gesture? Why didn\u2019t I ask Haley why she was personally offended?<\/p>\n\n\n

Could I admit the truth?<\/p>\n\n\n

In allowing personal offense or fear to keep me out of the conversation<\/a>, I had forgotten my own story, and I had lost the opportunity to connect our collective stories to God\u2019s story and facilitate an environment of grace.<\/p>\n\n\n

The High Cost of Being Personally Offended<\/h2>\n\n\n

Many of us are deeply offended by political and philosophical realities in our world. We are concerned about people\u2019s perceptions. We are deeply concerned about people\u2019s sinful choices. We are personally offended by people\u2019s words and actions. Relational violence grows out of personal offense and is a wound on society and individuals.<\/p>\n\n\n

In allowing personal offense or fear to keep me out of the conversation, I had forgotten my own story, and I had lost the opportunity to connect our collective stories to God\u2019s story and facilitate an environment of grace.<\/p>