Outreach magazine 2018 Resource of the Year—Counseling & Relationships! Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing is a ground-breaking resource that explores the “why” behind self-destructive sexual choices. The book is based on research from over 3,800 men and women seeking freedom from unwanted sexual behavior, be that the use of pornography, an affair, or buying sex.
Jay Stringer’s (M.Div, MA, LMHC) original research found that unwanted sexual behavior can be both shaped by and predicted based on the parts of our story—past and present—that remain unaddressed. When we pay attention to our unwanted sexual desires and identify the unique reasons that trigger them, the path of healing is revealed.
Although many of us feel ashamed and unwanted after years of sexual brokenness, the book invites the reader to see that behavior as the very location God can most powerfully work in their lives. Counselors, pastors, and accountability partners of those who experience sexual shame will also find in this book the deep spiritual and psychological guidance they need to effectively minister to the sexually broken around them.
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Unwanted is, without rival, the best book on broken sexuality I have ever read. It is heartbreaking and hope-restoring, and with immense kindness, it proceeds to where most work stalls and refuses to enter. Jay’s research is groundbreaking. No one has pursued these dark waters with as much light-offering, data-bound research. Even more, Jay offers the heart of the gospel in a manner that doesn’t trivialize sin or addiction but lifts the battle up to the ambivalence we have about freedom. This book will be a classic that anchors us in brilliant research, soul honesty, and biblical reflection.
by Dan B. Allender, PHD, author of Healing the Wounded Heart
Over the past twenty-five years of ministry, I’ve witnessed many men and women floundering in a sea of hopelessness due to their own (or a spouse’s) sexual brokenness. That’s why I’m so excited about and grateful for Jay’s work in the field of sexual addiction and restoration. If you’re hungry for deep healing, or searching for practical ways to help others heal from unhealthy emotional entanglements and sexual dysfunction, Unwanted will be an incredibly sharp tool in your tool belt!
by Shannon Ethridge, MA, author of Every Woman's Battle
Jay Stringer’s Unwanted demonstrates a depth of insight and wisdom that I found stunning! I have been counseling men and women in the church who are battling with sexual brokenness for over thirty years and have written fifteen books on the subject. Yet I found Jay’s grasp of the subject profound, and the graphic illustrations he used to summarize various points were worth the price of the book alone. It will truly help many come out of their shame and finally find freedom. Stringer is a top gun, and I would fly with him into combat anytime!
by Dr. Ted Roberts, cofounder of Pure Desire Ministries International
As bleak as the landscape of sexual brokenness may appear, God always raises up his people to proclaim a path to healing and redemption. Jay Stringer is one of those voices. Unwanted is a courageous, insightful work that challenges us to look beyond the what into the why of our sexual sin. This book will undoubtedly equip many on the journey to freedom.
by Dr. Juli Slattery, cofounder of Authentic Intimacy and author of Rethinking Sexuality
Unwanted’s breakthrough research into the origins of sexual brokenness convincingly shows why tips and techniques to combat it have failed to lead to the freedom we desire and are designed to enjoy. Unwanted is a life-giving room of grace where all of us can find relief from the heartache of sexual shame. Jay Stringer invites you to know your story and dare to believe that you will be loved more—not less—for what it reveals. The culture, including the church, has needed this book for decades. Thousands will experience God’s kindness and healing through it.
by Bruce McNicol, president of Trueface
If sexuality is anything, it’s complicated! This thing that involves our whole selves—body, mind, spirit—this thing that can compel our behavior but is also shaped by our habits. In Unwanted, Jay Stringer shines a spotlight on one important aspect of our sexual lives—our personal history, particularly the way our sexuality intersects with our brokenness over time. By inviting us to be compassionate with ourselves and curious about our story, he helps us to look beyond the shame and embarrassment that so often deaden us and toward real, authentic, healthy ways of relating to ourselves, our loved ones, our community, and even God.
by Debra Hirsch, author of Redeeming Sex
A thorough theoretical framework and nuanced vocabulary are critical tools when dealing with unwanted sexual desires, thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors. Even with these, the journey to persevere requires real stories of personal discovery and hope. In Unwanted, Jay Stringer not only provides a set of tools to understand these matters but also offers a story and vision for those who find themselves in dark places.
by William M. Struthers, author of Wired for Intimacy
Wow. This book is a weapon for freedom and flourishing in a world bombarded with sexual pain and brokenness. If you are tired of the blame-and-shame methods filled with guilt and fear around sex, Jay offers a life-changing alternative: restored sexual wholeness and flourishing. Sex is good? Indeed. Refreshingly honest and humble, Jay refuses avoidance and despair around the most painful oppression of our time. Using a divine strategy with incredible skill, Jay enters our brokenness and finds the keys to our sexual freedom and wholeness within the depth of our pain. Get this book. Read this book. Let the healing and freedom come.
by Danielle Strickland, cofounder of Infinitum
Unwanted enters the heartache of sexual brokenness and reveals the deepest longings within us for redemption. Recognizing how evil seeks to misdirect our longings, Jay illuminates how even our sin can reveal important truths about ourselves and our unique path to redemption. Through groundbreaking research and a heart for the Gospel, Stringer invites us to the critical task of finding hope and meaning within our sexual lives. It clearly shows how Christ invites us to depth of desire, not death of desire.
by Christopher West, Author of Fill These Hearts: God, Sex, and the Universal Longing
Unwanted changes the conversation on sexual brokenness for this generation of believers. Jay Stringer engages the “why” beneath our sexual shame with groundbreaking research and the wisdom of a counselor.
by Josh McDowell, author and speaker
Sexual brokenness is the most significant and under addressed topic affecting men today. Jay’s work opens the door to a new conversation for all of us who need language to talk about it more transparently. Jay’s powerful research and clinical insights show how our earliest stories plant seeds that go on to hold tremendous power over us in our adult lives. Unwanted is going to lead you to an understanding of your life that can guide you to freedom.
by James Anderson, President/CEO New Canaan Society
Jay Stringer is one of those rare leaders whose life will leave an indelible mark on generations to come. In his book, Unwanted, there’s an incredible convergence of story, science and theology that makes it so accessible it becomes transformational. It is the most impactful treatise I’ve ever read on how to understand that our pain and brokenness is actually a pathway to full healing and restoration. I’m convinced that Unwanted addresses the source of sexual brokenness in our world. If we want to see our hearts restored and dismantle the forces that seek to ruin the beauty of sex, this book will be our roadmap.