Family Feud: When Brothers Hurt Us

Earlier this year I was elected president of the National Association of Evangelicals. The NAE, perhaps more than any other network of ministries, is about bringing believers into relationship with one another so that the body of Christ can work like the living and breathing organism that it is. • So it was a bit of a shock to receive notice that I was under fire from a Christian brother just a few days after I was elected president. Apparently, he decided to protest my presidency over concerns about my doctrinal beliefs and those of leaders with whom I have ministered in the past. As it turns out, this brother’s conclusions were inaccurate, conflating my views with the views of my fellow leaders. But by the time this became clear, he had already plunged forward with a campaign to discredit my presidency and encourage the NAE to reconsider my role. He issued an email to thousands of evangelicals, criticizing what he deduced to be my positions. He never contacted me, nor did he interview anyone who knew me or consult anything I had written. His email campaign did not go to either of my offices (NAE or my church), so I had no indication he was disturbed until a friend alerted me.
When my friend sent me the critique, I was able to write the protester and provide my personal positions and refer him to materials I had written. Assuming that this man felt an obligation to protect the body of Christ as a whole, I wanted to give him the correct information.
Before I wrote him, however, I had to make a decision about how that letter should read. I believed he had violated biblical principles, as well as basic social protocol, in his approach to the situation. But I also knew that God wanted me to use this as an opportunity to show how the NAE is working to connect a broad spectrum of believers.
Getting into a heated argument would have been tempting. Instead, I prayed for my brother and was reminded of lessons God taught me years ago—and was able to write an appropriate letter. Early in ministry, I learned that there are a few foundational, biblical essentials that all Christians must embrace: Jesus is the Son of God, He died for our sins and rose from the dead, and all believers must receive Jesus through repentance. These essentials, along with the major messages from Scripture, are the absolutes of Christian faith, regardless of generation, culture, political persuasion, or heritage.
As we read our Bibles, pray, learn, and experience life, however, we develop additional interpretations and deductions. In their various expressions, our churches and denominations are made up of the absolutes (which never change), along with the interpretations, deductions, personal preferences, feelings, and cultural norms (which sometimes shift). While it’s okay to embrace our own interpretations and deductions, we need to remember that there are other biblically defensible viewpoints.
As I prayed for my interloper, I realized that he was persecuting me over differing interpretations and deductions. I kept remembering the Scripture to pray for those who persecute you, from Jesus’ instruction in the Sermon on the Mount. So I just kept praying for this brother, and as I did, my heart softened. I realized that I could actually bless him. Prayer always puts life in perspective. In prayer, I received the power to feel the right way. In prayer, I saw the picture clearly. God ministered to my heart and helped me attempt to minister to this brother. At this point you may be wondering, “What is an article on praying for other believers doing in an issue on enemies?” If so, then congratulations! You have a big, innocent heart, and you’ve safely avoided conflict. But most of you are probably nodding knowingly as you think about the way you’ve been treated by brothers and sisters from other denominations or traditions, or as you consider your own feelings about Christians who have different viewpoints on doctrinal issues. Maybe you’ve never butted heads over doctrine with other believers, but have had conflicts or misunderstandings that enflamed into minor wars over what praise songs to sing or Bible verses to teach or whether pizza or barbecued beef is the best meal for the Sunday school staff dinner! These conflicts, no matter how petty— or how insurmountable—they seem, need to be bathed in prayer and then navigated by God’s life-giving wisdom.
When we humbly ask God for grace for ourselves and our Christian brothers and sisters in the midst of conflict, He will give us power and wisdom. Praying for believers who think differently than we do is like being a mature member of a big family. Big families are good for all of us. Brothers and sisters help one another understand life. Uncles, aunts, cousins, and friends of siblings cause us to grow.
At some time, every boy wishes he could get rid of his annoying sister. And many girls can’t believe that their brothers could really be from the same family, because they are, after all, so gross!
But over the years it dawns on everyone: the family is good. Every member is necessary. If we stick together amidst our differences, we will refine each other and eventually rely on each other. Without question, some ideas are right and some are wrong. Some people are weak and others are strong. Some are well read and others are poorly informed. But every member of the family is still part of the family. God’s family is bigger than some people have led us to believe. And though many of our relatives are objectionable, they are still our relatives. That’s what I had to face with the guy who didn’t like having me for a brother. Whether he likes it or not, I’m in the family. And whether I like it or not, so is he. In the end, the situation was diffused. Though I did not try to stop the man’s campaign, not one person wrote me or contacted either of my offices to express concern. I did receive notes from people who wanted to defend me, and from others who offered sympathy that service in the body sometimes requires having to endure such things. For those faithful expressions, I was grateful.
I know that my friends prayed for both me and my enemy during this situation, and I know that God has answered their prayers and mine in several ways. God has given me insight into how the family of God functions, and I have been blessed by the reminder. The gentleman who was so incensed at me and the NAE has been given an opportunity to reconsider his views and learn something about being a family member as well. I believe that he, too, has had a chance to be blessed by the conflict.
About The Author
TED HAGGARD was fourth of six kids, and is the father of five. He is a local church pastor who also serves as president of the National Association of Evangelicals, president of worldprayerteam.org, senior editorial advisor to Ministries Today, and is a founding board member of the Global Pastor’s Network.
Used by permission of Pray! Copyright © 2003, Issue 38, The Navigators. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. www.navpress.com.