This is a series of three posts based on Christie Thomas’s book Little Habits, Big Faith: How Simple Habits Can Help Your Family Grow in Jesus. In this first post, Christie points out the importance of finding your “why” in family discipleship. Future posts will equip you to help your family create spiritual disciplines that last.
I sit on the floor of the bathroom, weighed down by guilt. I have just read a blogger’s lovely account of her children who happily work through their Bible studies at the table each morning. My imagination runs through the scene: her kids eagerly grabbing Bibles off the shelf, pulling freshly sharpened pencils from behind their neatly scrubbed ears, then gleefully reading, writing, and applying the Bible to their own lives.
That’s not exactly how the author of the article described her experience, but it’s how it plays out in my head. And in that internal replay, I feel the whisperings of the enemy.
“You’re not doing enough.”
“You’re a bad mom.”
“You never taught your kids to use workbook-style Bible studies, and now they’re going to end up heathens for life.”
The tangled mess of lies inside my head has revealed some of my less-than-holy motivations for discipling my kids. Do I do it because I feel like I have to prove that I am a good mom? Or maybe I do it because I am afraid my kids will reject God otherwise?
If we don’t have a vision for where we’re going, we’ll get stuck in comparison, insecurity, or exhaustion. Without vision, we’ll want to give up when our kids ask tough questions, yell when they’re driving us bonkers, or quit when life has us so exhausted and discouraged that sharing our faith with our kids feels like one more burden being laid on us. If we’re going to help our kids toward a faith that lasts, we must start with a foundation of why.
Why am I planting those seeds in the first place?
Why do I even care about sharing Jesus with my kids?
Why should I tell the next generation of God’s mighty acts?
You might think that the answer seems obvious: I want my kids to know God. But when I asked some other moms these questions, their answers had a secondary, underlying theme:
“I’m afraid that my kids will grow into adults who can’t think critically and can’t answer questions about what they believe.”
“I’m afraid my child will choose a path that will break my heart.”
“I’m afraid they won’t choose Christ.”
“I’m afraid of the bad things that my kids could get into without a solid moral foundation.”
“I’m afraid that my kids will rebel. I’m afraid that the world will snatch away my precious children and turn them into hedonist, selfish little monsters.”
That’s a lot of fear! Kind of makes you want to hide inside a pillow fort, right? Is that the kind of why that builds a lasting faith?
Our why needs to be what keeps us going when the going gets rough. We need to be able to trust God with the details because we trust where he’s taking us. Trust is the opposite of fear.
With that in mind, let’s pause for a minute on why there seems to be so much fear involved in discipling our kids, and why it’s a problem. We need to understand what pushes us toward that why—so that we can instead surrender that fear to God and let him lead us into a better way.
Fear creates a rigid and controlling environment, which leaves little room for kids to learn to grow an actual, trusting relationship with the God who has always welcomed questions and doubts, who allows us to make mistakes, and who waits with grace-filled arms when we turn back to him. God does not want us living in fear for our children’s spiritual lives. In fact, his perfect love wants to cast out fear—even the very valid fear that our children will reject the gospel:
We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.
God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.
Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.
1 John 4:16-18 NLT We are not here to scare our children into heaven or to parent out of deep-seated fears that they will turn into prodigals or be taken captive by worldly living. As 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” We can be bold, loving, and intentional with our child’s faith journey when we let God lead the way instead of fear.
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Christie Thomas
Christie Thomas is a mom, writer, and family discipleship coach with extensive experience in children’s ministry. Her devotionals and children’s books help parents cultivate faith-filled moments. She lives with her husband and three boys in Canada.