Experience the Freedom of “Good Enough”

This post is from Motherhood Is Not Your Highest Calling: The Grace of Being a Good-Enough Mom by Vicki Courtney. While the book helps transform moms from striving for perfection to living in the joy and grace of life, this post will be encouraging for anyone to read.

One of the greatest blessings in my life has been working with refugees, most of whom have fled their homelands due to persecution or the constant threat of danger. I have grown close to some of the mothers in the community, and they have given me a different perspective on motherhood.

Years ago, I helped set up a small apartment for a refugee family who was arriving in the United States after years of waiting for approval in a refugee camp. I knew they had an infant, so I gathered up baby gadgets to help ease their transition. When I stopped by to check on them a few weeks in, the baby gadgets were piled on the baby bed, still unused. The mother had no need of a baby swing, bouncer seat, high chair, or stroller. She wore her baby most of the day and laid her baby down on the bed to nap. In her culture, families co-sleep when the children are young, likely because they don’t have the luxury of separate bedrooms, much less beds. All the gadgets were just taking up much-needed space.

The reality is that motherhood looks different for my friends for a lot of reasons, some of which are very difficult. Most live below the poverty line and have limited resources. Often they don’t speak the majority-culture language. Many have experienced trauma. My refugee friends don’t feel the burdensome weight of “good mother” expectations because fulfilling them isn’t an option. When getting by day-to-day is the top priority, there’s not a whole lot of space for agonizing over missed parent-teacher conferences or forgotten school lunches or homework assignments.

But what amazes me most when I observe their culture is that despite these struggles these mothers seem to have less stress and more joy. And without the white noise of constant activity and a proliferation of stuff, most of their children are thriving. Because they often don’t have internet, they don’t spend too much time on their tablets. Their social life typically centers around their community and church. They teach themselves or each other to drive because they can’t afford a formal driver’s ed course, and they work hard to save up for a used vehicle or share a vehicle with other family members. Many of the older children go on to attend community college, work part-time or full-time jobs to help with the bills, and tend to their younger siblings. They are respectful to their parents and deeply grateful for the sacrifices their parents have made to give them better lives.

My refugee friends show me what living in grace looks like. They are not burdened by guilt, because they understand and accept their limitations. They rest content in good enough.

You can experience the same freedom. Guilt is debilitating. Crushing. Wearisome. Exhausting. You can decide right now that you are going to let yourself off the hook to have it all together. To get it all right. To be perfect. Can you imagine what a difference that kind of freedom would make in your life? Your parenting? Your overall well-being?

You deserve to be free. Your first step is accepting that you are already good enough. It’s time to cancel the guilt trip and live in grace.