The Power of Prompts for Family Discipleship

This article was previously posted in a series of three posts on family discipleship, based on the book, Little Habits, Big Faith by Christie Thomas. If you’d like to read from the beginning of the series, start here.

Several years ago, when I wanted to start reading the Bible at breakfast time with my kids, I knew what I wanted but not how to make it happen. My mornings were hectic with a capital H! I would wake up after my children, then I would dash around grabbing food and changing diapers and helping kids get dressed and emptying the dishwasher, then rush to drop everyone off at the right places.

I disliked who I was in the mornings. I was irritable and impatient. I desperately wanted to start reading the Bible with my kids in the mornings but I. Just. Couldn’t. Even when I had the time, I would empty the dishwasher instead of sitting down at the table.

And I knew that, even if I managed to read the Bible once or twice, it would be all too easy for other tasks to push out the one I was trying to fit in. Motivation had only taken me so far in the past because something else would come along that would be momentarily more motivating and I’d veer off course.

Our eventual practice of short devotions wouldn’t have turned into a little habit if I hadn’t figured out two problems. The first—keeping us from even getting off the ground—was that I had no consistent pattern. Any new, good habits had no chance to take hold thanks my current bad habits of late waking, disorganization, and distractedness. I had an admirable goal, but how could I remember how to do it? The second problem was that I needed make sure I had enough motivation to keep going. Once I started my habit, how could I ensure I wouldn’t get derailed like I had so often before?

The Power of Prompts

We get out of bed because we need to turn off the alarm or use the toilet. We eat because we’re hungry or bored. We get in the car to go to work or school because we look at the time and are reminded to get going.

If you look carefully at your life, you’ll notice that every behavior has an invisible prompt. Habit research tells us the reason for that: We all need something to remind us to trigger a behavior. This something is called a prompt. To grow those deep faith roots in your family, you’ll want to harness the power of prompts.

According to the BJ Fog’s “habit equation”, every behavior needs the same three components: motivation, ability, and a prompt. Determining your prompt is critical when you’re planning out a new habit because without a prompt, your new behavior is dead in the water. It’ll never become a habit because you’ll rarely remember to do it!

So, what are prompts (also known as cues or triggers), anyway?

There are three types of prompts:

1. External Prompt. An external prompt is something we see or hear that reminds us to do a behavior: like an alarm clock or a school bell, a child’s cry or a calendar reminder on your phone. External prompts don’t usually work well for habits because it’s far too easy to ignore them. I mean, how many times have you hit the snooze button in the morning or forgotten a dentist appointment because you missed (or ignored) your external prompt?

Several years ago I would have attributed the success of my Bible and Breakfast habit to an external prompt: a huge plate my husband and I happened upon at one of those “paint your own pottery” shops in a mall. I painted the plate with little stalks of wheat up the sides to remind me of the Bread of Life, and then I used the plate as a consistent spot for my Bible in the center of the table. However, I’ve since realized that the plate was only part of the equation. Yes, seeing it reminded me of my priority, but it wasn’t enough to establish my habit—because, as an external prompt, it was too easy to ignore. 

2. Internal Prompt. The second type of prompt is internal, like a feeling of hunger. Internal prompts can also be thoughts like, I should call my mother, or I haven’t had much water today—I should have some before I feel dehydrated. Most internal prompts are also easy to ignore. How many times have you shushed that little voice that noticed your neck muscles were tight and suggested you might feel better if you took a stretch break? Every day I used to think, I should sit down and read with my kids, but that internal prompt was easy to set aside when I looked around and saw all the other things I needed to do.

3. Anchor Prompt. The best kind of prompts for long-lasting behavior change are what BJ Fogg calls “Anchors.” An anchor is something that you already do all the time—an existing habit. And before you say, “I don’t have any existing habits,” let me ask you this: Did you. . .

get up this morning?

use the bathroom today?

brush your teeth?

eat today?

go to bed last night?

shower today?

If you did any of those things, you have existing habits that anchor your day.

When it comes to identifying anchor prompts that can help in family discipleship, you can ask yourself this question: What routines, tasks, and rhythms already exist with my kids? Whether you’re homeschooling, dropping kids off before work and picking them up after, or serving as a permanent taxi driver for active teens, you’re already doing many consistent, ordinary tasks with your kids daily.

So, how can we use the power of prompts to invite God into what we’re already doing?

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In our next post, we will learn how to make those habits stick.

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