We have looked at two steps to take as you begin your journey—acknowledging the loneliness you’re facing and taking ownership of changing your path. But to accomplish the necessary change, there is a third step.

Actively Use the Tools Given to Enact Necessary Change

A mechanic wouldn’t use a rolling pin to change the oil in your car, nor would a chef use a wrench to whip egg whites. You need the proper tools to get the job done. Different jobs require different tools. When working toward healing in your loneliness journey, you’ll need to practice honesty, vulnerability, reflection, and awareness.

These characteristics, which I refer to as tools, serve as a resource to aid in healing loneliness. If you’re lacking in one of these tools, find ways to grow and strengthen yourself. As you read through these tools, I’ll challenge you to rate yourself on a scale of 1 (needs work) to 10 (strong).

Remember that we all have areas of growth, so be honest in your self-assessment.

Tool #1: A Growth Mindset: A growth mindset is the opposite of a fixed mindset. If you have a fixed mindset, you believe that the skills, abilities, emotions, et cetera that you’re born with is as good as it’s going to get and that there’s no room for growth or change. If you have a growth mindset, you’re able to recognize your strengths and weaknesses, and you realize that with hard work and persistence, you can develop your skills and abilities.

Tool #2: Reflective Honesty: Reflective honesty is the ability to reflect on past decisions and events and accurately evaluate them.

Tool #3: Grit: Grit is simply mental and emotional toughness. If you have grit, when something gets hard, you don’t give up.

Tool #4: Resiliency: Resiliency is the ability to get back up after you have fallen, faltered, struggled, or made a mistake.

Tool #5: Humility: Humility is the ability and willingness to admit when you’re wrong.

Tool #6: Teachability: Teachability is the willingness to learn from your mistakes and from others who are further along on the journey.

Tool #7: Ability to Embrace Change: Embracing change is not rocket science, yet it has to be deliberate. In our humanness, we’ll want to run from change, so change must be a methodical, cognitive choice.

Reflection

Take a moment to evaluate the tools above, considering your own life.

• What tools do you feel would be most helpful to you?

• In what area do you feel you need to do the most growing?

Let’s keep the conversation going.

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